Bracket of the Week: Worst Movie Titles of 2013, FINALS

And then there were two. Two sad, hilarious, terrible movie titles, squaring off for the honor of the worst of 2013. As always, the ball is in your court; at the end of this post, you’ll vote for the champion, which will be revealed tomorrow. But first, let’s take a look at the results from yesterday’s Final Four.

(If you missed the earlier installments, check out the Sweet 16 and the Elite Eight.)

(1) Rapture Palooza def. (13) Sharknado, 69% – 31%

The tournament’s top seed continues to steamroll everything in its path! And for the second straight round, after defeating Big Ass Spider in the quarterfinals, Rapture Palooza took down an animal-themed heavyweight. I’ll be honest…part of me thought Sharknado would run all the way to the title. So what is it that makes this title so bad? First off, it has zero flow. Usually when you add “palooza” to the end of something, the previous word ends with an “a” (like Lollapalooza) so there’s a rhythm and a cadence to it. “Rapture Palooza” is difficult to say, and then there’s the meaning, which, if you were translating it back into English, seems to signify an “apocalypse party.” And that sounds like some lame adult’s idea of how the cool party kids would handle the emergence of a vengeful antichrist. Or something. But just like it ruins a joke to explain the punch line, I’m probably diminishing the magic of Rapture Palooza, which cannot be explained adequately in words. So all I’ll say is, this is a worthy finalist.

(7) The Last Exorcism: Part II def. (3) Dhoom: 3, 66% – 34%

Wow! After posting the largest margin of victory in the first two rounds, Dhoom: 3 goes down in the upset of the tournament. The critics were right; Dhoom hadn’t played anybody and wasn’t ready for a real challenge. The Last Exorcism: Part II has now defeated both the no. 2 (Vikingdom) and no. 3 seeds, and will have a shot to complete the trifecta and take down the top dog in the championship. And really, it’s a title shot the film deserves. The Last Exorcism is a bad title all by itself, because what does it imply? That there are no more ghosts? That they’ve encountered the big boss of ghosts who controls all the rest? That’s not how ghosts work, folks! But when you add in the “Part II,” it’s really the cherry on top of the rotten ice cream, because it totally invalidates the premise of the first film and casts doubt on the truth of its own title. It’s sort of like when people used to call WWI “the war to end all wars,” but less tragic and more funny.

One last note: I’m happy to see that the critical reception of each movie proves that it wasn’t just the title that was bad. Rapture Palooza is currently at 22 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, while The Last Exorcism: Part II stands at 13 percent. They never had a chance.

Here’s how the bracket looks with just one match-up to go. Click to enlarge in a new window:

And now it’s time for you to vote. Who will “win” the first ever Bracket of the Week? Vote for the worst movie title of them all, and tomorrow, we’ll honor the champion.