When you’ve been as obsessed with a band like Belle & Sebastian as long as I have, and when that obsession proves unshakable, it’s inevitable that you begin to notice some thematic similarities between songs. Here now are the top 20 B&S songs involving troubled young people.
20. “Dear Catastrophe Waitress”
The Gist: Everything goes wrong for a waitress.
Relevant Lyric: Dear catastrophe girlfriend / I’m sorry if he hit you with a full can of Coke / It’s no joke / Your face is bleeding / You’ll soon be leaving this town / To the clowns who worship / No one but themselves
19. “If She Wants Me”
The Gist: A young man wants to reconcile himself to his passion for artistic creativity, but also to his love for a troubled young woman.
Relevant Lyric: If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy / They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes / On second thoughts I’d rather hang about and be there with my best friend / If she wants me
18. “Calculating Bimbo”
The Gist: A calculating bimbo can’t let the past go.
Relevant Lyric: You calculating bimbo / I wish you’d let the past go
17 (tie). “Act of the Apostles Part I”
The Gist: Troubled young woman struggles with her identity and faith as the life around her begins to crumble. Heavy religious undertones.
Relevant Lyric: Later on she plays Morning Has Broken / She knows she’s bad / She is slowing everybody down / The choirmaster, usually a bastard, knows her mother’s sick / He’ll be nice to her…She thinks that she shouldn’t be there at all / Her worries make everything else seem trivial.
17 (tie). “Act of the Apostles Part II”
The Gist: The same troubled young woman skipped school to travel a good distance to a city, only to find that it wouldn’t provide any answers.
Relevant Lyric: She asked the man if the service was open / “Not today, just the choir from the radio” / “Couldn’t I sit in? I’ve come all this way” / “Will you bugger off, I’ve got work to do” / The city was losing its appeal / God was asleep / He was back in her village, in the fields.
16. “Belle and Sebastian”
The Gist: A young man watches his female friend become a star while he wallows in self-pity and worry.
Relevant Lyric: Oh, Sebastian wrote his diary that / He would never be young again / But you will / Fellow, you are ill / You’d better take a weight off of your mind and listen / To what other people say / Because things are going wrong your own way
15. “Family Tree”
The Gist: A troubled young woman gets thrown out of school for yelling at teachers and hates her family.
Relevant Lyric: If my family tree goes back to the Romans / Then I will change my name to Jones / If my family tree goes back to Napolean / Then I will change my name to Smith
14. “Dress Up in You”
The Gist: A young woman watches her female friend become a star while she wallows in self-pity and manufactured drama.
Relevant Lyric: When things don’t go my way I have to / Blow up in the face of my rivals / I swear and I rant, I make quite an arrival / The men are surprised by the language / They act so discreet, they are hypocrites, so fuck them too!
13. “Expectations”
The Gist: A troubled young woman and aspiring artist gets abuse from her teachers, peers, parents, and employers.
Relevant Lyric: Your obsessions get you known throughout the school for being strange / Making life-size models of the Velvet Underground in clay
12. “Dirty Dream Number Two”
The Gist: A young person of indeterminate gender, but probably male, has two wet dreams, one about a funny person and one about a woman whose face he never saw.
Relevant Lyric: Things creep up on you when you are fast asleep / You are dreaming, you are sleepy / You are stuck to the sheets