Look, it was fun while it lasted. We enjoyed analyzing Donald Trump’s handshakes with world leaders and other dignitaries, and treating it like a boxing match. We did it with Trudeau, we did it with Macron, we did it with Macron again, we did it with Putin, and within those posts we saw his shakes (or non-shakes) with Shinzo Abe, Neil Gorsuch, and Angela Merkel. We even ranked them once. It was our own little in-house cottage industry.
Now? It’s done. Because there’s only so much we can take. Seriously, what the fuck is this:
This is honestly the weirdest and most performative shit pic.twitter.com/kwXdIyh1c1
— Gideon Resnick (@GideonResnick) July 14, 2017
It’s just embarrassing and absurd at this point, for both men. Once the handshake lasts beyond the 30-second mark, with both dudes just blatantly trying to tug the other one off balance, it’s no longer a subtle test of wills. It’s just two guys who should probably fight. Really—just fight it out. This is the equivalent of two brothers that hate each other wrestling on the floor, and when a parent starts yelling at them to stop, they both go, “WE’RE JUST PLAYING AROUND.” But clearly, both are in the depths of an intense hatred.
Look at the phony smiles. Look at the fake conversation. This is ridiculous beyond belief. As Jacob Weindling told me, this is “two non-alpha males trying to be super alpha.” It would be less weird if they had leaned in and kissed each other.
Handshake diplomacy has jumped the shark. No more handshakes, ever. The genre is dead, because these two idiots just killed it.