From Alabama to Colombia: 15 Things I learned in Colombia in 2015
1. In Colombia, the letter M on a bathroom door does not mean Male. It means Mujeres, women. I promise that you, like me, will only make this mistake one time. Ever.
2. Movie theaters serve a surprise for epicureans—caramel popcorn. Patrons can choose regular popcorn, of course, salted and buttered, the meat ‘n taters of movie houses. But caramel popcorn? You can’t stuff enough into your face. Hot and sweet and crunchy and beyond delicious, caramel popcorn is worth a trip to the movies … even without a movie. Some nights Adela, my fiancée, and I buy a big bucket of the sweet treat and just sit in theatre lobby, crunching, as we people-watch an endless parade of fascinating creatures called Colombians.
3. In Colombian restaurants, no waiter ever brings glasses of water to the table in a set-up to the meal. I have visited probably 100 restaurants and coffee shops here. I have never had a free sip of water. You order—and pay for—H2O off the menu. You can order water plain or with gas (like the frijoles).
4. Colombians can stop rain. I attended a school event where the sky threatened, grumbling and gray. Two of the soccer moms—well, fútbol moms—resorted to an old Colombian superstition. They took compacts from their purses, opened them so the mirrors faced the sky, and set them on a picnic table. The heavens cleared. Apparently if the sky catches a glimpse of herself looking unsightly, she changes her face so she’s pretty again.
5. Money? Money must be dirty, dirty, dirty here. Colombians wash hands immediately after handling paper money. If they touch monedas, coins, they wash hands twice. I can’t determine if it’s a national phobia, or if money in general circulation really does breed germs for minutes, hours, months, years. Is there a hygienist in the house?
6. Hot dogs! Colombians love to order up a perro caliente—perro for dog, caliente for hot. They’re like foot-longs in the USA, but Colombians garnish hot dogs with crushed potato chips or potato sticks. Hot dogs with papas!
7. When you pay with a credit card in Colombia, you hear the waiter or waitress always ask this question: Cuantas cuotas? (How many payments?) Instead of charging your full bill on the next credit card statement, Colombian merchants will divide payments out for as long as 12 months to ease your pain. For example, you can pay $50 a month (or the equivalent in pesos) instead of a single whopping $600.
8. Conspicuous advertisements in magazines, on billboards, on posters—everywhere—rarely portray the coffee-colored, dark-haired people that make up 90 percent of Colombia’s population. Instead, ads show white suburban-USA types, folks that could be on a golf course in Dallas or walking onto a tennis court in north Atlanta. Look at them! Picture-perfect white dads with gemmy teeth! Melt-in-your-mouth white soccer moms! Kids with shiny-dime eyes, always a boy and a girl. See a golden retriever without a single flea! In the United States, diversity advocates would take companies that advertised this way to the public whipping post.
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