With the long-awaited season five premier of FX’s vulgarity-soaked laugh-fest, Archer, at hand (tonight!), what better way to whet the anticipation of both fan and neophyte alike than with some of the best quotes from the show’s superbly voiced characters. So, now that you’ve filled out your H.R. paperwork, met the boss (sorry about that), and met most of your other co-workers (um, yeah, sorry about that, too), including one of our best agents. I suppose there’s no way to avoid it—it’s time to meet the world’s most dangerous spy (codenamed “Duchess”): Sterling Malory Archer.
Yes, extremely dangerous … when he’s not actively jeopardizing his missions with his near-constant drinking, womanizing and purposeful irritating of Lana. Welcome to one of the greatest characters in TV history.
20. “If I stop drinking all at once, I’m afraid the cumulative hangover will kill me.”
If hangovers actually worked that way, he would indeed have a very legitimate concern.
19. “Hey, proposition: first person to untie me—guy or gal—I will let him or her give me a handy. Come on, let’s share the milk of human kindness!”
In case it hasn’t been stated enough, it’s really, really difficult to make Archer take his missions and perilous circumstances seriously.
18. “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I skipped the Emily Post chapter on how to introduce your mother to a hooker.”
Not that Archer’s big on etiquette in general, but standing on ceremony around his overbearing, judgmental mother is bound to crank up the ire, regardless.
17. “He’s not coming back from that. That chick was, like, the Pele of anal.”
Other things he’s not big on: Comforting emotionally fragile people. Yes, especially Lana.
