The 15 Best Quotes from The Office (U.S.)Images via NBC TV Lists The Office
Loved by many and critically acclaimed for most of its run, The Office (U.S.) is a remarkable sitcom that repeatedly broke the fourth wall and introduced the world to a group of memorable characters. Between Jim and Dwight’s prank war, Michael’s personal shenanigans and the multiple office romances, the show had no shortage of laughs, with moments both hilarious and heartfelt aplenty. In fact, Michael Scott’s entire character is basically a collection of one-liners. With a resurgent popularity of the show and a new generation of individuals watching via Netflix, The Office is still as relevant as it was during its prime, and it’s as funny as ever, too. See for yourself by reading most memorable and funny quotes below.
1. The reality of being a writer
“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott, Season 5, “The Duel”
Writing all the time can be monotonous, and we’re betting all journalists or writers have related to this Michael quote at one point in time. In Michael’s case, it seems even speaking is a bit hard for him, and we’ve definitely all been there, too.
2. A tricky artform
“I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.” – Kelly Kapoor, Season 7, “Counseling”
We’ve all learned to tune out others who just don’t seem to shut up, but in Kelly’s case, she’s learned to tune out herself. The self-aware quote is quite ironic, considering Kelly talks the ears off her coworkers, much to their disdain.
3. Would you rather be feared or loved?
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott, Season 2, “The Fight”
Michael Scott is many things, and when he and Dwight go head-to-head in a fight, we get the answer to a timeless question: Would Michael rather be feared by his coworkers or loved? Plot twist. It’s both.
4. This is how words work, right?
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott, Season 4, “Fun Run”
Michael is a pro at mixing up the meaning of words, and this time around is no exception. After hitting Meredith with his car and Dwight unsurprisingly killing Angela’s cat, Michael gets “a little stitious” and decides there’s a curse on the office. Seems legit.
5. An honest mood
“If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.” – Stanley Hudson, Season 4, “Survivor Man”
Stanley is a man of few words, but when he does speak, oh, is it relatable. Suffering through his mundane day-to-day work, Stanley just wants a piece of cake at the joint office birthday party. For heaven’s sake, the man even took an extra shot of insulin.
6. If you didn’t already know, prison isn’t a fun place
“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael “Prison Mike” Scott, Season 3, “The Convict”
Michael loves his different characters and Prison Mike may be one of the most beloved by Office fans. From his purple bandana to his offbeat accent that sounds straight out of a cheap gangster film, Prison Mike is a hilarious character, but also not one to mess around with. He has survived the dementors in prison, after all.
7. Where is the line drawn on quality of life?
“No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs … Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” – Michael Scott, Season 5, “Stress Relief”
Season five’s “Stress Relief” is by far one of the funniest episodes of The Office, in which the office’s CPR training session goes haywire—who would’ve thought? Michael doesn’t resuscitate a CPR dummy in time, but in his own backwards mindset, he shouldn’t have anyways. Nonetheless, it leads to one of the Dwight-iest scenes in the entire series.
8. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” – Dwight Schrute, Season 3, “Product Recall”
Jim’s favorite pastime is pranking Dwight, and it’s no surprise that it’s easy for him to get under the Assistant to the Regional Manager’s skin. For a grand total of $11, Jim gets to prank Dwight for the nth time and we get to remember that identity theft isn’t a joke, kids.
9. Would Smokey Bear be proud?
“Today, smoking is going to save lives.” – Dwight Schrute, Season 5, “Stress Relief”
Beginning the downward spiral of “Stress Relief,” Dwight decides to give the office a simulated lesson in fire safety … sort of. With blowtorches, firecrackers and the simple light of a cigarette, Dwight comes fully prepared to teach his co-workers, or maybe just give them a heart attack—literally.
10. The procrastinator’s motto
“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott, Season 4, “Money”
Running away from life problems is a Michael Scott specialty, and there’s nothing like jumping a train to combat … (*checks notes*) … bankruptcy. A foolproof model for all the procrastinators out there, it 100% feels good to disregard life problems, but if you’re going to, at least sing Soul Asylum’s “Runaway Train” while doing so.
11. Isn’t this everyone’s dream?
“I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” – Kevin Malone, Season 3, “Beach Games”
On the way to the office’s annual beach day, no one is more relatable than Kevin. Sitting in the sand enjoying a nice hot dog seems like the life, in our opinion.
12. They say shopping for women’s clothes is hard
“Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” – Angela Martin, Season 3, “Women’s Appreciation”
Angela is the textbook definition of a crazy cat lady and it’s no surprise that she also shops for herself at Gap Kids or even … American Girl. OK, maybe it’s a bit weird.
13. I hear dead people …
“If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.” – Dwight Schrute, Season 2, “Office Olympics”
Dwight is always one to prep for the future—he even has the afterlife planned out. With an extra thick coffin in tow, it seems nothing, not even chatterbox corpses, will disturb dead Dwight. And, honestly, we get it. Even in the afterlife, everyone just wants a bit of peace and quiet.
14. Fake it till you make it
“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott, Season 5, “Stress Relief”
We’ve all been the person who acts like they know a lot about something, but in reality, know very little. Michael’s the same way, though it’s a far more recurring thing with him. Nonetheless, we wouldn’t want Michael any other way.
15. It’s the little things in life
“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?” – Pam Beesly, Season 9, “Finale”
For a show so focused on laughs, the final line of the series is a touching one. Focusing the shot on Pam’s drawing of the Dunder Mifflin office, it’s easy to see there’s beauty in Dunder Mifflin and its workers that graced television for nine seasons.
Molly Schramm is an intern at Paste. You can follow her on Twitter.
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