Only a few more hours and we’ll be reunited with our favorite pot-smoking, foul-mouthed yet somehow adorable mutt Wilfred for the start of Season Four. He may have some evil tricks up his sleeve, but we get as much of a kick out of him as he does from rubbing his arse against the carpet for some gentle “exfoliation.” Is he threatening Ryan’s (Elijah Wood) sanity? Yes. Is he a master manipulator? Yes. Does that stop us from wishing we had a furry, semi-human dog with whom to share a bong hit or two at night? No! Wilfred is what we all desperately fear but secretly want: Our audible conscience speaking to us from within, pushing us to examine our faults and weaknesses, often to the very extreme.
Throughout the last three seasons, Wilfred has made a lot of friends who have contributed to classic moments and a lot of giggles. Some of them have stuck by his side through all of his adventures and continue to lend a helping ear
or perhaps hole? , even when he’s up to no good; others only stuck it out for as long as they needed to. Before we get started on the brand-new season of Wilfred, let’s look back at some of his dearest friends and the moments they shared!
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We all appreciate the twisted relationship between Ryan and his funky mutt, but nothing quite beats Wilfred’s insatiable passion for Bear, his friend, confidant and sex toy. What makes this seemingly one-sided friendship even more disturbing is the fact that Wilfred rescued Bear from a Doggy Day Care Center run by a peanut butter fetishist. While we’re torn between the hilarity of Wilfred’s partially voluntary abuse and curious pity, the sudden but profound connection he feels for Bear is rather endearing.
Ryan may be Wilfred’s best bud, but he hasn’t quite tuned into his doggy ways and his scheming personality yet. Bear, on the other hand, has Wilfred’s back all the way. We don’t get to hear what Bear has to say, but Wilfred does a pretty good job at giving him a voice: One that says “Yes” and “Amen” to pretty much anything Wilfred says. Bear also seems to be very critical of Ryan and takes great pleasure in dissing his bass playing skills. The warped sense of romance between Wilfred and Bear fades along with the lust. Wilfred can no longer hide his boredom. Ryan finds him poking Bear one night so listlessly, he even has time to smoke a cigarette while doing so. And yet, they always find their way back to and in to each other, even after bouts of alcoholism and infidelity.
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Wilfred and Raffi: it was love at first sight. Neatly wrapped in a plastic box in the back seat of a car, the stuffed giraffe immediately snags Wilfred’s attention. Before approaching the car, he double-checks his breath and butt-whiff. He walks up to the car’s window with his finest swagger. He’s just about ready to hit the giraffe up for its digits when the car suddenly pulls away and out of sight. But not out of mind …
He uses Ryan to plot his way into finding the sexy, unforgettable giraffe again, much to Ryan’s dismay of course. He has to schmooze the Giraffe out of the hands of a young boy before his date can finally begin and when it does—well, let’s just say we’re sure it introduced a whole new genre of porn. Wilfred and Giraffe have the type of hot, steamy sex he hasn’t had with Bear in ages. Complete with amateur-porn music and disturbing close-ups, this was definite highlight in Wilfred’s sex, drugs and drooling lifestyle. On the next date, as much as Wilfred likes to think of himself as a bit of a freak, Raffi takes it a tad too far. Ryan is not exactly having a good time either, having been duped into bed with Raffi’s partial owner, a pretty aggressive “widdle bunny”, by Wilfred. They run into each other in the hallway, begging for one another’s help. Wilfred however asks Ryan the unimaginable: to join him and Raffi in a three-way. As if Ryan couldn’t stoop any lower…
This mysterious character from Wilfred’s blurry past seems to show up whenever Ryan can’t come to terms with his own truths. We first meet him in the first season when, for understandable reasons, he finds himself questioning Wilfred’s intentions. Bruce shows up out of nowhere, a shady hobo-looking man luring in Ryan’s shadows. He finally steps out of the dark and reveals himself, confessing to Ryan that he, too, can see Wilfred. Ryan only gradually comes to realize that Bruce is a major pawn in a game only Wilfred understands.
If you’re into Lost, you can think of Bruce and Wilfred as Jacob and The Black Smoke: a light and a dark force trying to prove each other’s point. Granted, Bruce and Wilfred’s reasoning is often far from comprehensible and there is no way of really distinguishing what constitutes winning or losing their mind-games; but they do always end up doing Ryan just. We know what some of you guys are thinking: Wilfred is the mischief in this game, right? We’re glad to say that actually, no, he’s the lesser of two evils when put next to Bruce. Bruce even talks Ryan into getting Wilfred fixed! Now that’s dark.
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You might wonder how good Jenna and Wilfred’s relationship can really be considering he spends practically all of his time with Ryan. Plus, Jenna can’t really communicate with him, and she doesn’t smoke weed. But Wilfred lives to protect and serve her. (And chew up her panties, but that goes without saying.) Jenna is naïve and well-meaning, but she can’t really keep up with Wilfred and Ryan’s basement hobbies. When she accidentally gets high on their Tootsie-pot, she ends up admiring her “squishy-tits” in front of a national audience. There’s no way Wilfred could have saved her from this horrifying TV appearance, but he did try by attempting to climb through the screen.
Wilfred’s never been into the idea of Ryan becoming his step-daddy very much, but he can’t seem to get used to the idea of Ryan dating anybody else, either. When Ryan meets a gorgeous Italian girl, Wilfred sits watching them in bed, repeatedly yelling Jenna’s name. Though when Ryan does finally get closer with Jenna, Wilfred doesn’t take it too well at all. He acts a bit like an over-protective brother would and angrily attacks Ryan when he finds out he’s the reason for Jenna’s explosions of pheromones. Despite his noble duty to protect, Wilfred does get Jenna into some pretty sticky situations and, in Season Three, his antics reach life-threatening territory. Yes, Wilfred sets the house on fire. Intentionally. But it’s only because he wanted to prove he’s a hero. Let’s just say he didn’t quite think that one through.
5. The Happy Paws Crew
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When Ryan and Wilfred meet a dog weirdo/trainer who runs the group “Happy Paws,” Wilfred admits to actually wanting to go back to obedience school seeing as he was always one of the cool pups. Ryan agrees to take him. Wilfred steps out of the car about as gangster as it can get, wearing shades, a piercing and a backpack that has “sex” and “violence” written on it with Tipp-Ex. He immediately finds a “wiener” dog and a Dalmatian to pick on and encourages naughty behaviour like shitting instead of sitting, but it’s Wilfred who ends up getting bullied.
Wilfred drops out of class, but when the trainer’s dog, Champ, offends him in a Tweet, he insists on going back, refusing to let the bullies win. It doesn’t go so well. Wilfred ends up walking off towards the gate and encourages the other dogs to participate in a movement of “chaos and anarchy,” but finds himself alienated by the class once again. He does find a new friend in a boxer breed and affectionately calls him “Digger.” Wilfred and Digger make up for a lousy day by coming up with silly voices for their respective owners on FaceTime.