John Cena Might Be the Smoothest Man In Wrestling

Wrestling Features John Cena
John Cena Might Be the Smoothest Man In Wrestling

John Cena, 15-time WWE Champion and man who once casually purchased 55 suits in New York City, was recently given perhaps the most onerous task of his 15-year career with the sports-entertainment empire: becoming the face of the company’s Tapout line of workout apparel. With the company’s foray into the world of scented body sprays, Cena is now also the face of natural, clean scents for men who douse themselves in that kind of thing after hanging and banging in the gym. Standing as the visual representation of the way men ought to smell requires a level of comfort with your body that many of us never know, and a beauty regime some of us can only aspire to.

In an interview with PeopleStyle, Cena detailed how he goes about prepping himself for the day. “I’m completely man-scaped from head to toe,” he said, claiming to spend 30 minutes to an hour shaving every day, aided only by shaving cream and the Gillette razors he once whacked Vince McMahon with a chair to promote.

As someone who shaves every day, let me tell you: being able to shave your entire body in under an hour, and to do it in such a way that passes snuff on the high-definition cameras of a WWE broadcast, is pretty impressive. At 40 years old, the Face that Runs This Place maintains his youthful glow, “trying to stay up on the fine lines in my skin,” though with what anti-aging creams or moisturizers was left unsaid. What Cena doesn’t use might be surprising to folks used to the stereotypical pro wrestler’s unnatural shine—he tends to forgo applying oil before hitting the ring, preferring not to present himself as something he’s not.

Granted it’s hard to imagine what kind of false image a man like John Cena would be compelled to project, but his dedication to such a time-consuming skin care routine doesn’t make me believe that Tapout scents like Defy or Core are what I’d want wafting over the table on a date. I do, however, want to know what skin care system he’s using—if it’s a three or four step process any ol’ normie can pick up at Sephora, or if we’re talking about a meticulously researched homebrew of various serums and liniments. I bet it’s the later, just because John Cena is that kind of person, running laps when there’s no competition, making himself beautiful when wrestlers are allowed to look like misshapen rocks mistakenly brought to life by divine accident. John Cena is too good for us. It’s only right that he chooses to wear a Tapout body spray; could the world stand him if he chose to smell good?

Colette Arrand is the author of Hold Me Gorilla Monsoon, and the Assistant Wrestling Editor of Paste Magazine. She can be found on Twitter, @colettearrand.

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