Ah, okay, so, it’s that day again, the one after all the stuff that happened and before all the other stuff that’s gonna happen. And here’s this, my paragraph either looking back to the last one or forward to the next one, or both. And then, below it, the tweets, so small and innocent, little capsules of time, like bits of amber with mosquitos in them, and there’s blood inside those mosquitos, and there’s DNA in that blood, the DNA of some truly awful virus that, when reintroduced to the real world, will turn our eyes to mush and our brains to an even mushier mush, and they’ll have to identify you by the less-mushy contours of your teeth. Fun! Here we go:
Nice try, Hades. pic.twitter.com/AxmuPRXm83
— Liz (@aeglethusa) November 6, 2017
Find yourself someone who looks at you the way Carter Page looks at an opportunity to place himself in serious legal jeopardy. pic.twitter.com/uliHpShTDY
— Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) November 7, 2017
america’s most famous libertarian politician blowing his leaves onto his neighbor’s lawn is just perfect
— Nick Baumann (@NickBaumann) November 6, 2017
The whole GOP loves Milkshake racist, the racist senate candidate who also loves milkshakes. 5 seconds later we regret to inform you the racist is also a pedophile.
5 seconds later The whole GOP loves Pedophile racist
— JG ???? (@JuliusGoat) November 10, 2017
[sees a teen chewing gum] No need to hog the wad, boy! Mightn’t I have a chew??
— Vichy Thought Leader (@i_zzzzzz) January 8, 2017
YOU’RE. BOTH. FAT.
NOBODY NEEDS TO DIE BECAUSE OF IT HOLY SHIT
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) November 12, 2017
When you’re tired of people coming in and asking “is it hair?” pic.twitter.com/Wcvw2Ve08g
— chris person (@Papapishu) November 11, 2017
Twitter in 2012: haha this guy’s tweeting shit his dad says
Twitter in 2017: this website is the nightmare anvil upon which you will be forged into gleaming unbreakable steel
— Josh (@JoshMLabelle) November 11, 2017
the strong feast upon the weak pic.twitter.com/6mAD8gHXwz
— ? | ? ? | ? ? | ? ? (@DOGGEAUX) November 10, 2017
tfw Great British Baking Show pic.twitter.com/QOm9lB8JsA
— Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@AyeshaASiddiqi) November 12, 2017
THE THEME FOR THIS YEARS MET GALA IS MY 9TH GRADE PRODUCTION OF HMS PINAFORE
— John Early (@bejohnce) November 8, 2017
today’s nyt crossword puzzle is insane pic.twitter.com/UgezYwD5Ms
— nicole boyce (@nicolewboyce) November 12, 2017
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) November 12, 2017
Life hack: if you hate “brunch” just call it “lunch” instead you stupid motherfucker.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) November 12, 2017
The time has come for diplomacy and compromise. You’re both fat.
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) November 12, 2017
I didn’t mind the second Taylor Swift song, but I hated the lyric, “I 100% voted for Trump and Charlottesville made me horny.” It didn’t really make sense.
— Sean O’Connor (@seanoconnz) November 12, 2017
CARTER PAGE (lips on microphone): I killed Jonbenet Ramsey
ADAM SCHIFF: …All I did was thank you for being here. We haven’t even started
— Turkey Jerky (@MarkAgee) November 7, 2017
who could have predicted the far right’s response to moore would coalesce around jerry seinfeld whataboutism
— kev (@kept_simple) November 12, 2017
bitch u are 71 https://t.co/KhspZTEod3
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) November 12, 2017
“i wrote a thing…” -Abraham Lincoln before readin da Gettysburg address
— Dan Licata (@danlicatasucks) November 12, 2017
This is literally a Real Housewife confessional. https://t.co/xF3WQSjdIY
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) November 12, 2017
There’s nothing “squad goals” about kidnapping a Turkish cleric with your dad. https://t.co/HOIdR3OkZr
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 11, 2017
What idiot called it “why can’t you relax and learn to take a joke” instead of “I use humor to reinforce shitty patriarchal norms and if you don’t laugh I will ostracize you from the community which gives you jobs”
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) November 11, 2017
Mother says I mustn’t pic.twitter.com/56C6hADPN3
— Dan Abromowitz (@AnnDabromowitz) November 11, 2017
I think about this picture a lot pic.twitter.com/mMdxUI5WjK
— Autumnal Gambino, Taoisearch of The B(DSA)M (@PrettyBadLefty) November 9, 2017
I know I let some of you down today, and I will strive to do better in the future. pic.twitter.com/UnSUSxh6X0
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) November 11, 2017
In third grade my school nurse had this poster up in her office and I used to look at it and say “I can’t do that anyway” and one time she said “believe me, you’d do even worse on drugs” in a way that made it sound like she had firsthand experience. pic.twitter.com/qKt1GlY3Tv
— Tuxedo Branson (@bransonreese) November 11, 2017
It costs $4000 to touch this button pic.twitter.com/Jfy62pgxYf
— Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci) November 10, 2017
presented without commentary. pic.twitter.com/povOTFbGh2
— Sandy Honig (@sandyhonig) November 8, 2017
twitter: harassment problem
facebook: fake news problem
youtube: disturbing kids video problem
instagram: pic.twitter.com/tcF0pIgWrQ— brian “Michael Clayton is on Netflix” feldman (@bafeldman) November 8, 2017
me reading your election day 2016 vs election day 2017 tweet vs me after reading your election day 2016 vs election day 2017 tweet pic.twitter.com/pSr2p6oytZ
— brad shoup (@bshoup) November 7, 2017
He aged so fast pic.twitter.com/UJPcNzfi38
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) November 7, 2017