The Ugly American: What Not to Say When Your Kid Comes Out as Gender Fluid
“Shut the hell up with your bullcrap modern-day phrases for made-up problems.”
“Really? You wanna wear a dress one day and cargo shorts the next? Sounds like your identity is dictated by the dwindling supply of clean clothes in your closet.”
“What pronoun do you prefer?”
“They? You, a singular person, want to be referred to as they and them? No, you can’t have that pronoun. That pronoun is already taken. If you create your own gender identity, create a pronoun to go with it. It’s been done before. The Japanese language has 25 affixes for birds alone! I mean, yeah, Japanese is hell to learn—believe me, I tried. Once I was in Japan and thought I complimented a chef by telling him, “Sir, your steamed vegetables are delicious,” but then later realized I actually said, “Father, we must keep farting until all our eggplant is underground.” But here’s my point, I messed up because I was trying to learn. The chef didn’t accuse me of insensitivity, or racism (and since when is gender fluidity a race?), he didn’t burst into tears and begin writing his suicide note right then and there. He just smiled, understood I was an idiot, and accepted my intentions, which were good. Calm down.”
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