We’re already missing the hell out of Christmas down here in Atlanta. There’s basically one good day a year and it’s now 364 days away. (Okay there’s potentially up to 14 other good days a year, depending on how the Dawgs do.) We’re missing Christmas so hard that we took an entire thirty minutes or so to relive the very recent past and track down that yuletide spirit on Twitter, a website created so brands can prove they’ve seen Adult Swimshows before. Here are the funniest tweets about Christmas 2017, which still sounds like a futuristic sci-fi holiday that will happen decades from now, and not the thing we just did yesterday.
Very happy to announce that everyone on Instagram with wealthy families and incredible teeth had a great Christmas
Dear @realDonaldTrump how do you manage to make saying Merry Christmas feel like a dickish thing to do? I have never stopped saying it, but now you’ve ruined it. Happy Holidays you dumb fuck. https://t.co/ZK1wpS1dl5
making eye contact with strangers at Target and putting them on a no-fly list if they don’t immediately say “merry christmas” to me in the bagged candy aisle
World War 1- Started when Frank Ferdinand was shot World War 2-Americans got involved after the attack of Pearl Harbor The Iraq War- started when two planes killed thousands of innocents The War on Christmas- started when a guy at the office had to acknowledge his Jewish coworker
As a Christmas Present to all my trolls, I’d like to formally admit that I am part of a Globalist media elite paid by Soros from a network of Rothschild-controlled banks in an effort to undermine God’s promise of a white, Christian America!
christmas check list: ??wake up ??drink coffee until im shaking ??wrestling match with racist uncle jeff, he smashes my head thru a table ??smoke half a joint with my stepdad rick in the garage ??drink one michelob ultra ??alright back to my room to watch family guy
Just a reminder that we live in a country with elected representatives and a President who believe Israel should hold Jerusalem because according to the Bible, that’s the first step towards a holy war with Islam and the return of Jesus Christ.
Always have at least one friend who has any and all traces of Christmas completely wiped from their home on the morning of December 26th. That’s the friend you call when you need to make a body disappear.
It’s a common misconception that Jews eat Chinese food on Christmas, we’re actually just doing whatever the fuck we want.
— there was literally a war on hanukkah (@bizmichael) December 25, 2017
There’s a toilet at my grandmother’s house that you have to hold down the flush button on forever. I’ve been here since last Christmas just trying to flush once please send help
