This week was an extravaganza of absurd news from the “straight pride” parade to the President getting greeted in England with a statue of him take a shit while Tweeting. However, we’re starting our roundup this week with something a little out of the ordinary. Normally the funniest tweets of the week are jokes by the comics sending the tweet. But this time around we’re featuring a tweet that showcases a brilliant joke from Dan Ronan, a Chicago comedian who passed away far too young. This week was the five year anniversary of his death, and his memory lives on. If you enjoy the joke, we know you will, click through to see some of Dan Ronan’s other bits.
Otherwise, we’ve got another collection of the best quips, goofs, and gags from the past few days. Enjoy the week and make sure to give us a follow at @Paste_Comedy.
It’s amazing that Dan left behind so much great work, given that he died at 24. Here he is doing his favorite thing (stand-up) at his favorite place (The Lincoln Lodge) pic.twitter.com/shBZmlugdz
I synced up watering my cactus with my friend’s “My baby is ___ months old” Instagram updates, so I should be able to keep this one alive for at least two years.
Trust me, when you’re feeling depressed the best remedy is to put on music, go for a run, and change every aspect of your social and socioeconomic status over 8 to 12 years
Just walked thru a bar where people were having fun and dancing to the back where there was an open mic and a man saying “I have no job, no friends, no place to live” to dead silence
To the next person who drops me off at the airport and tells me to have a safe flight: If I say “you too”, you’re now going on the trip with me. I’m done feeling awkward and I always need a travel buddy.
I just remembered the vice principal at my high school tried so hard to catch the school weed dealer and never did. Which is crazy. It would be like if you tried to catch the zodiac killer and you were surrounded by people who saved him in their phones as John (Zodiac Killer)
Every morning I wake up n think, which of my three brands will I choose to wear out on the internet today? “Mentally ill but not in the way people would ever want to romanticize”? “I’m 23 and horny”? “Tweeting about sobriety while currently on drugs”?
WILD HELICOPTER RESCUE: Firefighters say a 74-year-old woman had to be flown off of Piestewa Peak this morning after she suffered an injury while hiking.
today i heard a street performer say “i mean where are the ugly people? i haven’t seen an ugly person all day” and then a few women cheered and he said “ahhh, there you guys are.” lol savage
