The Funniest Tweets about the Final Presidential Debate
Like, ever
Photo courtesy of Getty ImagesAnd that’s it: the last presidential debate. Maybe ever. Definitely for 2020. And yes: it was about as painful and infuriating as you’d expect.
At least Trump didn’t steamroll Biden with his nonsensical blather this time. The heavily hyped mute button did it’s job at the start, and although things threatened to break down pretty regularly after about a half hour or so, Trump’s bluster was rarely as overbearing as in that first debate. It was still obnoxious as hell, of course—the dude (who, again, we unfortunately have to remind you, is a president) is as unable to tell the truth as ever—but at least he wasn’t vomiting talk radio buzzwords all over every single thing Biden tried to say. He mostly waited for Biden to stop talking before vomiting up those talk radio buzzwords.
How fucking sad is that? “At least it wasn’t the absolute worst fucking debate ever” is now the bar. That’s what we hope our country’s leaders can clear—simply letting each other mouth their scripted platitudes and catchphrases for 30 seconds or so without barfing all over each other.
Anyway. Twitter still exists and it exists largely for nights like this: nights when everybody is watching and talking about the same damn thing. Here are some of the good tweets about tonight’s debate—the tweets that made me hit that like button, and that still held up upon second viewing. Dig ‘em, follow the people who wrote ‘em, and get out there and vote, wherever you might be, whoever you might be voting for, unless it’s the one of these two dudes I personally am not voting for. In that case don’t vote. I’m not naming names, but yeah. Just some advice from me to you: if I think your politics are bad I would rather you don’t vote. I’m not going to try to intimidate you out of voting, or manipulate state or federal laws to complicate your doing so (like, uh, a certain political party here in America is known for doing), but I can say, from one individual to another, from person to person, soul to soul, I, personally, as a guy (and not as Paste Magazine as an outlet or business entity, seriously, I’m just a damn comedy editor here, nothing I do is serious [or is it…?!?]), believe that if you’re going to vote for the candidate I dislike it’d be better if you just didn’t vote at all. But you’re totally free to do so. But please don’t. But you’re more than welcome to. But, like, don’t. Unless you’re voting for the people I’m voting for. And nobody else. Cool?
Hey: it’s tweets.
Good evening, boils and ghouls, I’ll be your monster-ator for this presidential DIE-bate! But be warned, if you go over your allotted time, [wheeling out guillotine] we’ll have to cut you off! Aheeheeheeheehee!
— Herbert West Retweeter (@BudrykZack) October 23, 2020
Reading H.P. Lovecraft instead of watching the debate because if I’m gonna spend time with an old racist there should at least be some space monsters.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) October 23, 2020
Excited that Trump’s mic will be turned off and media figures will be like, “See how reserved he was?”
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 23, 2020
Can’t wait til Trump absolutely destroys Biden by playing a voicemail of him wishing his son a good night and sweet dreams
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 23, 2020
Listening to Trump talk really makes you feel the length in two minutes. #Debates2020
— Travon Free (@Travon) October 23, 2020
President Trump walks out to some sort of WWE entrance music remix of Cousin Eddie saying “Shitter’s Full”
— Dan O’Sullivan (@Bro_Pair) October 23, 2020
Biden has obviously made a lot of money because he owns a basement?
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) October 23, 2020
Turns out all those internet commenters living in their parents’ basements were MILLIONAIRES
— Aaron (@BobbyBigWheel) October 23, 2020
I cannot conceive of Nancy Pelosi dancing on the streets of anywhere
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 23, 2020
“I take full responsibility; it’s not my fault” is the most Donald Trump thing that Donald Trump has ever Donald Trumped
— Laura Hudson (@laura_hudson) October 23, 2020
The Trump COVID message 12 days before the election is “It’s not that bad. Stop being a pussy.”
— Zach O’Lantern (@zachheltzel) October 23, 2020
Watching the debate— why? Because my brain is soaking fucking wet babe.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) October 23, 2020
Trump is describing his vision for a metal as hell America. Suicide. Booze. Ghosts. Wild shit, man. #Debates2020
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) October 23, 2020
photo i took earlier today here in nyc pic.twitter.com/ETJym1uHFt
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) October 23, 2020
Trump: I get along very well with stupid idiot Anthony Fauci! #Debates2020
— Adam Newman (@Adam_Newman) October 23, 2020
He thinks New York is a ghost town because every time he’s here all he hears is “Booo” #Debates2020
— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) October 23, 2020
damn right new york is a ghost town pic.twitter.com/fgpowNdeg7
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) October 23, 2020
considering turning the debate off because my brain just kicked down the door of my head and walked right out of my apartment with a suitcase
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) October 23, 2020
I know I’m voting for Joe Biden so instead of the debate I’m watching Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. In this film, the protagonists are faced with a particular challenge: the curse of the were-rabbit
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) October 23, 2020
When Trump’s audit started I was straight.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 23, 2020
Trump sounds like he accidentally took benzos. he also seems like he’s going to burst into tears when talking about Biden’s $3 million. hearts not in it
— Dank Meme Themed 36th Birthday Party (@ByYourLogic) October 23, 2020
I used to give 10% to the big man every damn Sunday.
— Amy Miller (@amymiller) October 23, 2020
New York City is only half dead, just like the men on the debate stage tonight!
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) October 23, 2020
A “billionaire” with foreign entanglements around the world is trying to convince the voters that a man who took Amtrak home every night is the corrupt one.#Debate2020
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) October 23, 2020
a debate where both mics are muted the whole time but they don’t know it
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 23, 2020
“I was a businessman, doing business!” #Debates2020pic.twitter.com/GJtoPcZ5V4
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) October 23, 2020
Trump’s political need to say that he’s not corrupt is CONSTANTLY at war with his personal need to say he knows how to get one over on suckers and it’s the funniest thing in the goddamn world
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 23, 2020
President Trump, 30 seconds to respond.
“And that’s where Tony Boboli comes in. Tony Boboli comes in. It’s a very strong email to Tony Boboli from Dave ketchup. Dave Ketchup, I don’t know, Joe knows him. He’s Chinese. There’s a guy named Ron Mayo too who is a farmer from Ukrai
— Dan O’Sullivan (@Bro_Pair) October 23, 2020
this debate in a nutshell pic.twitter.com/xOYy3Gd1TV
— Turn of the Lu-cia Fasano (@lucia_fasano) October 23, 2020
Making fun of caring about families financial struggles.
This is what the forgotten man has been clamoring for!!!!
— Tim Miller (@Timodc) October 23, 2020
kristen welker said thank you next an ariana stan is in our midst
— ziwe (@ziwe) October 23, 2020
I tuned in specifically to see Trump’s mic get cut while he’s speaking. Come ON
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) October 23, 2020
so they just lied to us about the mic so we’d tune in, is that it
— Brokey S. Pumpkins (@brokeymcpoverty) October 23, 2020
I wish these debates were about me.
— Pete Zias (@PeteZias) October 23, 2020
Trump biggest problem is that he is dumb, doesn’t read, and has no interest in learning anything.
— Dan Pfeiffer (@danpfeiffer) October 23, 2020
I wish they would go back to the only issue I care about, the swine flu outbreak of 2009.
— Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) October 23, 2020
These debates are pointless. Everything is judged on theater. A dying empire going through the motions of democracy shit like a couple that hates each other forcing anniversary sex
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) October 23, 2020
You can be a good democrat and also think Joe Biden is the oldest person you’ve ever seen talk.
— Nick Turner (@NicksTurners) October 23, 2020
how’s everybody feeling about their debate tweets
— my pal andy (@andylevy) October 23, 2020
minutes without a racism
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) October 23, 2020
You can tell Trump doesn’t really believe Obama started the migrant camps, because then he would be trying to close them
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) October 23, 2020
I like that the race section of debate is treated like the side of peas the candidates don’t want to eat
— ziwe (@ziwe) October 23, 2020
Did he just call the entire audience racist #Debates2020
— kai choyce (@kaichoyce) October 23, 2020
“I can’t even see the audience, because it’s so dark out there, I’m actually a little afraid right now…” #Debates2020
— Travon Free (@Travon) October 23, 2020
“It’s all talk, no action with these politicians” – the President of the United States
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) October 23, 2020
It’s still unclear if he knows that he is currently president.
— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) October 23, 2020
[slurring my words] officer i am the least drunk person in this room
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 23, 2020
i found it very disrespectful that jo biden checked his ristwatch
— Tim Heidecker (@timheidecker) October 23, 2020
FACT CHECK: Every moment is a precious gift and watching this debate is how you’re choosing to spend it
— Ambooent 1: Music For Scareports (@pixelatedboat) October 23, 2020
calling the next among us game aoc plus three
— Gideon Resnick (@GideonResnick) October 23, 2020
I trust nobody on earth that says with a serious face “I know more about wind then you do”. Not even if you actually study wind
— Chris Redd (@Reddsaidit) October 23, 2020
my fave part of debate is when I remembered that one day I will die
— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) October 23, 2020
I may not have learned anything but also I feel worse
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) October 23, 2020
Donald Trump has got to be in the top ten living people of making everyone who meets him walk away going: “I can’t believe this fuckin’ guy.”
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 23, 2020
“We are taking very good care of the children we kidnapped”
– Donald Trump
— elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) October 23, 2020