The Funniest Republican National Convention Tweets, Night One
Screen cap from YouTube
It’s probably not a good start when the first night of your political convention gets multiple variations on the word “cocaine” trending on Twitter. Of course nothing good could have possibly come from the Trump Convention, but it was still an even bigger disaster than you’d maybe expect. Between the rampant lies about the coronavirus, the economy, today’s social climate, and really, almost every aspect of the president’s performance so far, and the absolutely unhinged performances of Trump insiders like Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle, this was a convention custom built exclusively for people to make fun of. Yes, it’s some of the bleakest chuckles you’ll ever encounter—reminder that the dude this entire pageant was constructed for is still president for at least five more months, and potentially four years past that—but what the hell else do you expect the people to do in the fact of such absolute inexplicable bullshit?
So here they are: the good tweets about tonight’s Republican National Convention. It’s the first night of the RNC, so I guess maybe strap in for way too many of these things this week. Dammit. Why couldn’t they have taken at least a week off after the DNC? Apparently the only thing that can bring the American political edifice together is forcing lazy comedy editors to crank out way more half-assed Twitter galleries than they normally do.
Read the tweets, follow the tweeters, and pray for America, friends. And for tweets about night two of the RNC, click here.
The only place Donald Trump is a “bodyguard” is one of those Eastern European restaurants in the Chicago suburbs where there’s an 80 year old with a gold chain reading a physical newspaper in a chair next to the gumball machine who appears to have no other job https://t.co/OWSZo4aLvq
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) August 25, 2020
So is Jon Voight not an actor? Because I thought Republicans oh fucking never mind.
— Desi (@DesiJed) August 25, 2020
Gaetz is what happens when a hundred racist Garbage Pail Kids vomit into a pool for ten hours and the vomit is brought to life by a sexist sorcerer and the vomit man vomits out a human wearing a suit.
— Jeremy C. Shipp (@JeremyCShipp) August 25, 2020
If Herschel Walker comes out and just bangs out 1,000 push-ups on stage at the RNC, I truly think it could move the needle for a lot of undecideds voters.
— Rob Wesley (@eastwes) August 25, 2020
If you have a truly banger joke or someone just shat their pants during a speech ok, but tweeting a screen-grab every 5 minutes isn’t helping anyone but them.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) August 25, 2020
Up next to speak at the RNC, six more children you didn’t know the president had.
— Dan Telfer (@dantelfer) August 25, 2020
I must say, did not expect the message “This country is a violent, shit-laden hellscape” from the party that’s been running the show for 3.5 years.
— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) August 25, 2020
were you in an accident? call: pic.twitter.com/z5qwKG7jgZ
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) August 25, 2020
I’m trying to watch the RNC Trumpathon but my eyes keep popping out of my head and trying to jump off the balcony.
— Dave Foley (@DaveSFoley) August 25, 2020
weird, the closed captioning on Junior’s speech is just “daddy love me” over and over
— shauna (@goldengateblond) August 25, 2020
If you wanna stay sober as fuck, take a shot every time they tell the truth.
— Jesse Case (@jessecase) August 25, 2020
i am not going to watch the RNC i am going to watch the zach braff movie ‘wish i was here’ so i can be mad and upset but in a different way
— virgo who cant drive (@_lanabelle) August 25, 2020
Sir, you are once again confusing Joe Biden with Baba Yaga. https://t.co/uilbY7WNcP
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) August 24, 2020
Which is weird because coronavirus has, actually, canceled our culture.
— Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) August 25, 2020
how much cocaine did you do?
kim: pic.twitter.com/fm33Oj5adH— Rachel Wolfson (@wolfiecomedy) August 25, 2020
POLL: How much cocaine was Don Jr. on?
— Justin Cross (@FakeJustinCross) August 25, 2020
Me to all the other drunk girls in the bathroom pic.twitter.com/P3YYLDodSF
— nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) August 25, 2020
Kim Guilfoyle speaks to an empty room like a man makes a zoom call
— Erin GARGAMEL Ryan (@morninggloria) August 25, 2020
delighted and honestly kind of impressed that Trump’s secret RNC plan was “coke every speaker to the gills”
— Owen Ellickson (@onlxn) August 25, 2020
Is the official sponsor of the RNC Cocaine?
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) August 25, 2020
Where’s the lie!? #RNC2020pic.twitter.com/a52koCXsZB
— Chris Burns | Fat Carrie Bradshaw (@fatcarriebshaw) August 25, 2020
every guy at a beach bar karaoke trying to do the laugh at the start of “crazy train” pic.twitter.com/DBOuVa2ylb
— man it’s a hot zone, (@Mobute) August 25, 2020
republican national cokevention
— Rachel Wolfson (@wolfiecomedy) August 25, 2020
“Okay, let’s see what the nazis are up to” she said, tuning in to footage of DT Jr. with his leaky dick eyes
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) August 25, 2020
Don Jr. and Kimberly got the same speech prep. ‘Snort the line! Then read the line! #RNCConvention
— Dana Goldberg (@DGComedy) August 25, 2020
I’d give my left arm for Don Jr’s Hill School bully to magically appear in his sightline, doing that fist-grind-in-palm thing.
— Jon Wurster (@jonwurster) August 25, 2020
So…
Biden talked about empathy and Don Jr just went on and gave me flashbacks to getting a buddy into rehab.
Good stuff, MAGAs. Good stuff.
— kevinbiegel (@kbiegel) August 25, 2020
Imagine don jrs eyes and kim guilfoyles mouth on the same person
— Michelle Collins (@michcoll) August 25, 2020
CLEAR EYES FULL HEARTS, BABY pic.twitter.com/G95NKXhSSc
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) August 25, 2020
Oh, I found the RNC platform pic.twitter.com/CNU9UTmtd1
— Nam Jin Woo: A Convention of One (@WordsMeanings) August 25, 2020
I guess the RNC is for people who found Paul Dano in There Will Be Blood understated.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) August 25, 2020
Lots of fun cosplays at RepNatCon this year but my favorite was Charlie Kirk’s Boss Baby.
— Daniel Spenser (@DanSpenser) August 25, 2020
Hungry for more? Check out the funniest tweets about the RNC, night two.