That photo above makes quarantine look so much fun. Three space dudes in a tiny capsule together, the cosmic funk of their interstellar bodies wafting together through their jumpsuits, crammed together so tight they can’t help but feel each others’ hearts beat against them, their lungs fall and rise, moving to a new rhythm never before felt on Earth, the rhythm of the stars, the steady beat of the infinite now radiating from within their terrestrial forms. And Tricky Dick nearby, just laughin’. If this was what quarantine was like for us today—an airstream on an aircraft carrier with a historically corrupt president applauding us for our bravery—we’d probably have less insane people with guns threatening to kill the government unless they give us the right to die more slowly by the coronavirus. We would have more insane people with guns threatening to kill the government for other idiotic reasons, because them’s just the times we live in, baby. The 21st century’s gonna 21st century, and what not.
In the absence of jovial post-moon chats with Nixon, we’ve had to make do with humbler pleasures during this extended period of isolation. Yes, that includes Twitter. Everything always includes Twitter. It’s the thing that keeps us up while simultaneously pushing us down, and it’ll probably stay that way until society or smartphones cease to exist. (If those two aren’t already the exact same at this point.) Here are the best tweets we read this past week—the funniest, most inspiring, most encouraging, most empowering. Actually they’re just the funniest. That’s it. Just laughs here. Laughs as hearty as the ones Nixon, Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins were having on the USS Hornet on that photo above.
If Bernie Madoff gets caught now he doesn’t get prosecuted and he gets a show on CNBC and is elected to represent New Jersey in the Senate as a Democrat
Ken Burns thinks he can tell us that the Michael Jordan thing actually isn’t good… cool man… well here’s what I think isn’t good: how you treat your employees at the nuclear power plant
What’s really inspiring to me about Michael Jordan is that he was cut from his high school team as a freshman, but unlike most people, he resisted the obvious next step of getting really into improv at a young age.
Chrissy tiegen always has been annoying. She be like “omg ate a whole baguette and I’m topless. Might have sex and use an Elmo voice to scare John.” And people be like “omg goals” skdjjdjf
my parents live on an island in florida so we would usually leave our big sliding glass doors and windows open when it wasn’t super hot or raining and one day when i was home alone a big golden retriever just walked into the house and came up to me and i pet him and he just left
My favorite part of the show Catfish usually happens somewhere near the middle of the show, when the guys look at each other and in unison say, “THAT’S A CATFISH!”
