The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo courtesy of Getty Images
Two words for you: Baby Yoda. The streaming wars started with off with a bang as Disney+ finally launched this week, cracking open the vault and unleashing the avalanche of squirreled away childhood memories (remember when they would threaten to take The Great Mouse Detective away if you didn’t buy their giant VHSs?). While The Great Mouse Detective is, in fact, the greatest Disney classic, their new Star Wars-based original series, “The Mandalorian,” was the talk of the town for bringing us a Baby Yoda. Gaze upon this green face and read these funny tweets and have yourself a happy Friday.
Jennifer Connelly: Is she mean or does she just have straight hair?
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) November 17, 2019
How dare u fvcking accuse me of stealing ur TV what a fvcking rude host u r I’m leaving IMMEDIATELY pic.twitter.com/YzHchIgRpg
— Elle Maruska they/them (@ellle_em) November 17, 2019
Joe Biden said stop smoking those jazz cigarettes guys and dolls, ya might wake up wondering who put the bop in YOUR bop she bop which is a real humdinger of a situation.
— Janelle James (The comedian) (@janellejcomic) November 18, 2019
in a bad mood………………… can’t be too specific but the gist of it is there’s hateration in the dancery
— charlie (@chunkbardey) November 18, 2019
I don’t understand people who spend most of their time outside. I pay rent, I’m gonna get my money’s worth.
— Mohanad Elshieky (@MohanadElshieky) November 19, 2019
Cool picture of you in 2009 now the robots know what you looked like and can kill you in the past way to go idiots.
— yup (@kevinsciretta) November 19, 2019
Sorry I’m late traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past 5 years and I was not expecting that
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) November 18, 2019
my boss: you’re 30 minutes late
me: yes punish me daddy— Jane Harrison (turkey version) (@MeJaneYouShutUp) November 19, 2019
Weed has gotten so fancy in Los Angeles that I recently picked up what I thought was a container of anti-wrinkle cream to discover it was actually a gram of “Joy”
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) November 19, 2019
It startles me when i use the Sephora to slather my lizard chin in creams and potions and an employee asks if I need help , jessica absolutely yes but not from you
— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) November 19, 2019
Me: blocks someone
My MacBook: Girl, so anyways. They said…
— stabby lil rice (@JaggedEdgeAF) November 18, 2019
Tweeting is for girls. If ur a guy get off and download the bills app or something. So u can pay for stuff. Bc men Shld pay…
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) November 20, 2019
WATCHMEN?
Honey, it’s not time for men to watch. It’s time for men to LISTEN!
— Tommy McNamara (@TommyMcNam) November 20, 2019
I thought I was brushing correctly but my dentist told me I’m “a complete jackass, a real piece of shit.” The good news is it turns out I was brushing correctly though.
— Branson Reese (@bransonreese) November 20, 2019
Mick Mulvaney
Member of Trump adminImplicated in impeachment scandalCareer politicianJohn Mulaney
28-year-old healthy man who’s trying his bestOnly guilty of being at Jake MacNamara’s partyNew in town— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) November 20, 2019
Vice President Biden, what actions would you take to address the violence against women? pic.twitter.com/Pgs1m4wphe
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) November 21, 2019
Wrong. Deranged. Balloon above bed? Tiger skin rug? Fire burning at full blast? Bowl full of mush cooling on bedside table? Lights on???? This rabbit lives like Caroline Calloway. This rabbit has 9,000 unread texts. This rabbit stapled the curtains up like that months ago. https://t.co/xCfRhwW7fe
— Ben Kling (@benkling) November 20, 2019
Biden telling us to keep “punching at” domestic violence pic.twitter.com/f6NrjfVvhB
— Paul McCallion (@OrangePaulp) November 21, 2019
the only two sizes of yogurt are “not enough” and “congrats, fucko, your life is yogurt now”
— Tony Tulathimutte (@tonytula) November 11, 2019
Just left therapy. Was feeling down about myself, insecure, etc…then I took one look at this little guy. Now, I’m on top of the fucking world, bitch pic.twitter.com/Xkl5KGrxms
— Ana Fabrega (@anafabregagood) November 19, 2019
baaaby of the yeaaaaar pic.twitter.com/sjzB3ULljM
— p@ (@datpunn) November 18, 2019