The Funniest Tweets of the Week
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Stay the hell inside! Stay the hell inside! Stay the hell inside! Weird how that needs to be said, but here we are! It’s been quite a week, quite a month, quite a year, quite an endless, blurry lump of time in quarantine. Netflix has never been more popular and part of that is yes, the shelter-in-place order, but it’s also due to our new gay icon, Joe Exotic. The seven-part docuseries “Tiger King” has more twists each minute than the evening news. Dating blind is old hat, now all I care about is redneck throuples and feuds between tiger (and murder) enthusiasts. For more entertainment, check out this week’s funniest tweets.
Joe Exotic Is gay but has straight husbands while Carole Baskin is straight but has a gay husband and THAT is common ground
— pat regan (@poregan) March 25, 2020
At this point, asking me “what are you doing tomorrow?” is hate speech.
— Sydnee Washington (@Justsydnyc) March 25, 2020
if you put on jeans at any point in the last 14 days you are the Chief of Police
— traitor joe (@phoebe_bridgers) March 26, 2020
believe women https://t.co/rnPe9RzF4n
— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) March 26, 2020
My new sexual fantasy is a second person
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) March 21, 2020
i haven’t used my time wisely in my whole life and i am certainly not about to start now
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) March 21, 2020
this is how central park looks after environmental normalization. as humans decrease their presence and species return to their natural habitat pic.twitter.com/c9IDZ6NJ1x
— catalina (@christanbaIe) March 21, 2020
I’ve now been alive in six decades:
The 1980s
The 1990s
The 2000s
The 2010s
The 2020s
March— Sam Spencer (@choosesam) March 22, 2020
These are logos for a credit union that offers higher savings interest rates to military vets https://t.co/SGqE7XniGa
— Beyonce has an uncle named Larry Beyince. Bruh…. (@DragonflyJonez) March 23, 2020
Is this the origin story where we find out why a good steering wheel is so important? pic.twitter.com/7wRMLR9q89
— Billy Domineau (@BillyDomineau) March 23, 2020
Closeted gay teens with girlfriends are LOVING social distancing. Happy for them!!!!
— Phillip Henry (@MajorPhilebrity) March 24, 2020
GAGA #CHROMATICA PRESS TOUR LEAK!!!!! Hate when this happens to artists!!!!!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/YzvMoB9q5q
— Matt Rogers (@MattRogersTho) March 24, 2020
Tiger King really taking the heat off the horse girl community
— Hayden Kristal (@HaydenKristal) March 25, 2020
i’ve renamed midnight “noon, as well”
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) March 25, 2020
Bro we’re doing the oven directions on everything FUCK the microwave
— Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci) March 25, 2020
me: my life is a mess
me after watching tiger king: I am THRIVING
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 25, 2020
My morning routine for the last two weeks pic.twitter.com/QN25y0lf9U
— Steven Castillo (@STEEEZUSCHRIST) March 25, 2020
everyones talking about all the things they do when this is all “over” and i’m definitely committed to still being a little bitch
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) March 25, 2020
There really has never been a better time in America to have died four years ago
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 24, 2020
I’m starting a podcast with two other white Latin@s and calling it Tres Leches.
— Gabe Gonzalez (@gaybonez) March 25, 2020