The Best Tweets of the Week

This week the president had a birthday and for some reason people had to know about it. #MeToo surged back and outed harassers and abusers throughout the entertainment industry—for the sake of this post, most notably comedian Chris D’Elia. COVID’S making the comeback of the year, Millennials officially got routed by Gen Z, cops shockingly started a national war against fast food joints, and former U.S. National Security Advisor and mustache defiler John Bolton released a book with the very unique thesis that Donald Trump might be dumb and bad and incompetent. It was a week packed with ridiculous stuff to tweet about, and that’s exactly what the people below did. Check out the best, funniest, smartest tweets of the week, and follow all of the tweeters, if you mess around with that app.

Please enjoy this photo of Philip Seymour Hoffman playing Rogue Leader: Rogue Squadron II for the Nintendo Gamecube pic.twitter.com/uHqeugUrvJ

— Bossk Landers (@DurgeDiggler) June 12, 2020

Every. Member. Of. Wilco. https://t.co/7YRT4Q5C4G

— Ryan H. Walsh (@JahHills) June 13, 2020

::neutral milk hotel voice::
when you were young/you were the king of Staten Island

— nuanced opinion guy (@charles_kinbote) June 13, 2020

Here are some fake James Bond movie titles I made up while in line at the grocery store pic.twitter.com/RGXHmp56AM

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— Supportive Guy (@SupportiveDude) June 13, 2020

Don’t like that pic.twitter.com/eJUUUAKY3X

— heavily armed white father (@abschutteln1) June 12, 2020

We’ve fired the police chief and replaced him with an identically trained and socialized one

— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) June 13, 2020

News: Growing concern about covid spikes because of protests..

Also News: The gym is open! Go on..they miss you! Hit up Vegas on your way!

— Janelle James (@janellejcomic) June 14, 2020

I don’t understand how COVID is worse than ever after we’ve tried everything from pretending it’s over to pretending it never happened

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) June 14, 2020

Thinking about the act of wishing the president a happy birthday. Thinking about the phrase “wishing the president a happy birthday.” Sending that lovely sentiment to the most powerful man in the country. “Hey, sir, from me and mine and the bottom of my heart: happy birthday.”

— David Roth (@david_j_roth) June 14, 2020

Don’t fight with Gen Z you can’t win. Once when I was teaching an SAT prep class, I told everyone to “quiet down” and one girl just said “hahah ok sweater!” (because I was wearing a sweater.) Every single one laughed at me….

— Paul McCallion (@OrangePaulp) June 14, 2020

I’m not “bitter” towards gen z but I am traumatized from the time my little sister came into my room to say “they posted ur stand up on tik tok and everyone says u look like this guy Danny” and I was like “Danny who?” and she was like “you wouldn’t know” then laughed

— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) June 14, 2020

[don draper voice] what if your cat had a little wallet? The Little Wallet For Cats. it’s a small, flammable wallet for your cat

— john keogh (@tomselleck69) June 14, 2020

I can’t get over the fact that Disney donated $5 million to Black Lives Matter-related causes, but spent $125 million on ARTEMIS FOWL, a movie in which Josh Gad plays a kleptomaniac dwarf named Mulch Diggums who chews through the earth with his mouth and farts dirt out his butt.

— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) June 14, 2020

Wow this guy IS smart pic.twitter.com/H9nmbGX94U

— JJ Antifa-Whiteside (@FanSince09) June 15, 2020

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That’s a horrifying thing to ask a person. pic.twitter.com/NK9HakVzWF

— Brian Yaksha (He/They) (@goatmansgoblet) June 15, 2020

My dog does this every time we set the table and I cannot stress enough how much I respect her optimism pic.twitter.com/C3mym63pVK

— Jay Willis (@jaywillis) June 14, 2020

been a busy few years rigging the supreme court to almost-automatically support my reactionary, bigoted conservative views. now to take a sip of coffee and read today’s decision,

— Avery Edison (@aedison) June 15, 2020

being a supreme court justice is easy as fuck. waking up in the morning, wearing a big fucking robe then saying gay people shouldn’t be fired. easy ass shit tbh, give me something hard

— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) June 15, 2020

you are never alone. there are gators.

— Gators Daily (@GatorsDaily) June 15, 2020

Hey I’ve been driving around LA shooting off fireworks to celebrate covid being over. Do u guys like it

— Ryan O’Flanagan (@ryanoflan) June 15, 2020

There’s a horror movie coming out starring Amanda Seyfried married to Kevin Bacon but somehow that is not the central premise of the horror movie.

— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) June 16, 2020

spiders need to stop building so many damn webs. that’d enough. you built too many now.

— wint (@dril) June 16, 2020

remember those 3 months where we thought bernie sanders was gonna be president. everyone was fucking and sucking. the world was so simple

— Brandon Wardell (@BRANDONWARDELL) June 16, 2020

just a dad and his little son :’) pic.twitter.com/L0Qt1HrBQ2

— Gators Daily (@GatorsDaily) June 15, 2020

if you ask me many of Americans have been wearing the mask even before from covid 19. the mask i refer to is of course the clown’s mask.

— wint (@dril) June 16, 2020

My milkshake brings all the cops to the yard, and they are shitting all over this yard

— ACAB for Cutie (@jacobtwop) June 16, 2020

You may have noticed more helicopters in the skies lately. That’s because we are trying to give each officer a helicopter ride to boost morale.

— Los Angeles Police Dept. (LAPD) Satire (@LAPD_unreal) June 16, 2020

this Chris D’Elia shit is wild, but I guess it’s always the first person you suspect

— Django Gold (@django) June 17, 2020

Comedians in their 30s and 40s literally out here trying to date the daughters of all the women who rejected them in high school

— kai (@kaichoyce) June 17, 2020

John Bolton saving his story about Trump approving of CONCENTRATION CAMPS like an aging sitcom actress writing a tell-all about what REALLY happened on the set of Designing Women. Thanks for the info and fuck off.

— billy eichner (@billyeichner) June 17, 2020

if you do jokes about being racist but in real life you’re a pedophile you’re a club comic. if you do jokes about being a pedophile but in real life you’re racist you’re an alt comic.

— kathbarbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) June 18, 2020

Apparently the best way to abolish police is to just keep calling them pussies every day and watch them quit in mass temper tantrums

— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) June 15, 2020

i wanted to know what it would be like if i filled a room with fans and the answer is Bad#AnimalCrossing#ACNH#NintendoSwitchpic.twitter.com/vtr8MY24lP

— Bzeep (@beepzeep) June 18, 2020