If you don’t know what “Weird Twitter” is, catch up with the rest of the Internet. Everyone from comedy writers to budding scientists have tried to define its undefinability for the rest of us, and TIME Magazine featured @cool_pond as one of the best Twitter accounts way back in March. (VERY SHORT EXPLANATION: jokes and communication of a strangeness that could only live on Twitter = Weird Twitter. Anything else = regular Twitter.)
If you do know what Weird Twitter is, congratulations, but rust never sleeps. Twitter is what you make of it, so give a follow to the newest accounts that are making the land of Promoted Tweets and #hashtag games interesting.
1. @vvvolte
@vvvolte’s mysteries run deep. All we really know about a lot of Weird Twitter users is what they self-profile, and in this case it’s an unpronounceable handle, tornado-doodle avatar and a claim of Canadian citizenship. @vvvolte’ live-tweets from a life that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, except to JK Rowling’s social media minions.
For example:
does anyone know what to do if you carve a pumpkin that is too scary. i cant go in my kitchen
— volte (@vvvolte) October 4, 2013
2. @animal_drums__
Extremely new and already drawing followers like @Mobute and @woodmuffin, it’s hard to say whether @animal_drums_ is a hit new user, or an old user making new accounts. (That question applies to every one of these accounts.) Either way, @animal_drums_’s tweets nail a swagger-then-undercut rhythm that’s strangely classically comedic for someone whose name is mostly underscores.
For example:
Ive got a message for all the haters out there: are any of you hating me? If so what do I have to do to get you to stop. i’ll do anything.
— Mike F (@animal_drums_) October 15, 2013
The account itself is a perfect parody of the stock Twitter-famous personality type, and the jokes push human interaction in every unexpected direction possible. Plus, come on friends, you need more black and white jean-jacketed Cillian Murphy in your feed.
For example:
i’m having an aneurysm. and THE LADY will be having a diet salad
— lemons (@respected_loner) August 6, 2013
4. @pavdux
Another very new account and maybe the first to actively seek outgator dick truths, @pavdux is already a champion of failed social normalcy, despite an avatar revealing their actual face, probably.
For example:
My roommate doesn’t know that I listen closely to the sounds she makes on the toilet. This info about her bowels gives me a social edge
— Pav (@pavdux) October 11, 2013
5. @fat_barb
If you’re creative enough, any situation can be an opportunity to kick all kinds of ass. That’s how @fat_barb Drake-swaggers through everything in his/her/their life, from sweepstakes wins to exploring the nature of matter itself.
For example:
being a janitor is great. when no ones around i can sing in to my mop like a microphone or dance with it and i get to see vomit for money
— Barbara (@fat_barb) September 17, 2013
6. @wikifinds
Excellent parody accounts are cropping up all over Twitter right now. If that’s your thing, follow users like @Vice_Is_Hip (VICE), UpWorthIt (Upworthy, i.e. your entire Facebook news feed) and this version of philosopher Slavoj Zizek where he analyzes the NFL. @wikifinds takes a much more obtuse angle than any of those, becoming a parody of information itself as it spits out dozens of things that could have their own Wikipedia article if our consciousness could catalogue them.
For example:
goats, swans and “high class drugs”
— Wiki Finds (@wikifinds) September 27, 2013
If you’re into Weird Twitter, Welcome to Night Vale might be up your alley. It’s a different thing in a different format with a brilliantly Lovecraftian sensibility, but Night Vale does line up with the common Weird Twitter trope of encountering a world that will never make any goddamn sense and then rolling with it. @deepseamantis is one of the best new accounts in that vein, pushing the feeling of existential mystery and somehow packing that with funny.
For example:
lost cat. brown short hair. sings in a compelling vibrato about dead children. may ask for bus fare though it does not know where it’s going
— the deepest (@deepseamantis) October 2, 2013
Every @kittyskateboard Tweet is an epic. Using plenty of the Weird Twitter formatting choice of asterisk-ed action and never overdoing it, each post reminds us that Twitter is technically a blogging service, and can hold multitudes of action in 140 characters.
For example:
[at a spelling bee] “your final word is fornicate” i can’t spell it…but I can do it winks so hard LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE A WINNER
— kitty skateboard (@kittyskateboard) September 26, 2013
9. @jim_head1
Zach Grandonie (if that’s his real name) goes by his real name (again, if that’s his real name) as he runs through likely fake but beautifully dysfunctional attempts to build life’s most important relationships. If Hello Ladies was a thousand times more interesting and a Twitter account, it would be @jim_head1.
For example:
Hey man. Nice pumpin today huh? The gas is flowin nice today at these pumps..Ah fine ignore me. Hello miss. What do you think of pump 4?
— Zach Grandonie (@Jim_Head1) October 9, 2013
10. @jurboi
Aggressively new and an infrequent poster, what @jurboi’s done so far is Tweet everything from whole scenes to single absurd whims, with a flair for expanding and compressing the space allowed within the format by the powers that be.
For example:
son here are 2 IMPORTANT facts bout life. 1.) the world is ending in 2012 2.) Madea is ALSO Tyler Perry son chokes on food MADEA is NOT-
— (@jurboi) October 9, 2013