In the age of Trump you probably feel like you can’t be surprised by any political scandal. Virginia’s 5th Congressional District aims to prove you wrong.
On Sunday the Democratic candidate in the 5th, Leslie Cockburn, tweeted this about her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman.
My opponent Denver Riggleman, running mate of Corey Stewart, was caught on camera campaigning with a white supremacist. Now he has been exposed as a devotee of Bigfoot erotica. This is not what we need on Capitol Hill. pic.twitter.com/0eBvxFd6sG
— Leslie Cockburn (@LeslieCockburn) July 29, 2018
That’s an image taken from Riggleman’s Instragram page, which Cockburn says is proof that Riggleman writes Bigfoot porn. That’s the kind of accusation that shouldn’t be made lightly, because of course it will become the defining characteristic of this race. No matter who wins, Virginia’s 5th will always be known as the Bigfoot Porn District.
What’s weird is that this info was actually made public yesterday. It only blew up tonight after Cockburn’s tweet. Here’s popular internet man @BobbyBigWheel (aka Robert Wheel) tweeting about it on Saturday—a full day before it became the top trending whatever on the tweet machines.
Listen, I try not to get worked up about this type of stuff but I’m angry that “Republican congressional candidate wrote Bigfoot slash fiction” isn’t a bigger story.
— Robert Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) July 28, 2018
@BobbyBigWheel is like the friend who was into Nirvana when Bleach came out of people who are talking about Denver Riggleman’s Bigfoot fetish.
The floodgates truly opened on Sunday night, with the word “Bigfoot” racing to the top of Twitter’s trending topics, and briefly exciting many with the thought of the legendary creature actually having been found. Nope, it was just the porn—the Bigfoot porn. That might be a disappointment to true dedicated Sasquatch fans, but to folks who just like some good-natured ribbing about cryptid slash fic, it was a blessing in disguise. Here are the best of those jokes about the Bigfoot erotica supposedly written by Denver Riggleman, the Republican candidate in Virginia’s 5th Congressional District race.
I would vote for literally any candidate whose campaign slogan was “I’m horny for Bigfoot”
— popular comedy account “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) July 30, 2018
vegas should be running odds on who’s going to give us the first “don’t kink-shame Bigfoot porn” take
— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 30, 2018
How am I supposed to explain “Bigfoot Porn” to my child, @GOP?
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) July 30, 2018
Getting into Bigfoot porn to own the Libs pic.twitter.com/2qcDbCeFl4
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 30, 2018
I, for one, hope that guy gets fucked by a Bigfoot
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) July 30, 2018
The crazy part is, liking Bigfoot erotica is by far the least controversial thing any republican has trended for since Trump got elected.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 30, 2018
I leave the internet for a few hours, come back to find out…
1. There’s a non-cartoon person going around being named Denver Riggleman
2. He’s running for office.
3. He is a white supremacist.
4. Who is into Bigfoot erotica.This would have been super weird a few years ago.
— Robyn Pennacchia (@RobynElyse) July 30, 2018
Students of history will recognise that this isn’t the first time Bigfoot’s erotic appeal has been a political issue. See e.g. the 1960 Kennedy/Nixon debate: pic.twitter.com/EZidXAhHkc
— popular comedy account “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) July 30, 2018
In Congressional Race, The Shadow Of Bigfoot’s Giant Dick Looms
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) July 30, 2018
honestly it’s shockingly late into 2018 for this to be the first time we’re hearing the words “Bigfoot porn”
— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 30, 2018
Honestly, Bigfoot erotica is the least offensive thing to come out of the GOP since the 2016 election
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) July 30, 2018
I know Online has completely obliterated my brain because I heard about the candidate with the Bigfoot porn and I barely flinched
— Wario Lemieux (@alex_navarro) July 30, 2018
somewhere in a barn right now roy moore is asking the animals if they know if bigfoot has a younger sister or any kids
— m i t h (@ManInTheHoody) July 30, 2018
You know it’s a pretty sad state of affairs when you read that a republican is into Bigfoot erotica and your first thought is “At least he’s not a child molester.”
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 30, 2018
sees Bigfoot trending
“Oh nice did they finally find it?”
clicks pic.twitter.com/ArhNc8Y5MX— Gino Zarrillo (@KeepItGino) July 30, 2018
Please politics twitter do not make me mute the word Bigfoot
This is all I have left please don’t take this from me
— A Sleepy Boy, Nay… A Sleepy Man (@CaseyMalone) July 30, 2018
Republicans defending bigfoot porn is my new porn.
— Desi (@DesiJed) July 30, 2018
It was just locker room Bigfoot erotica.
— Jon Friedman (@friedmanjon) July 30, 2018
All you out criticizing dude for j-ing o to Bigfoot like you weren’t praising that fish sex movie less than a year ago.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 30, 2018
twitter 2010: what is “planking” and why are people doing it
twitter 2018: it is wrong to kink shame the nazi for liking bigfoot erotica
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) July 30, 2018
I can’t believe there’s a politician who’s secretly into Bigfoot Porn and it’s not Ted Cruz
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) July 30, 2018
You’re all so quick to judge. Maybe he doesn’t even like bigfoot porn?Maybe he was just jerking off to Harry and The Hendersons like a normal person?
— Tronald Dump (@ChrisCubas) July 30, 2018
Wanting to have sex with Bigfoot is like wearing Crocs: It’s fine to do but also totally okay and fun for other people to mock openly.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 30, 2018
11.51pm: ok time to get some sleep
11.52pm: right after I find out why everyone is talking about bigfoot’s dick— lucy valentine (@LucyXIV) July 30, 2018
Imho all Bigfoot literature constitutes erotica
— erin “erin gloria ryan” ryan (@morninggloria) July 30, 2018