The Funniest Tweets of the Week

Beep boop. Good morning, content consumers. Below please you will find your content for the day. Included among the content are jokes about the following events: Scaramucci, OJ, Bad HBO Show et al. We have identified these jokes as pertaining to the most engaged subjects of the preceding tweet and as such have selected them for your renewed enjoyment today, the first day of the current week. Who does not enjoy a small period of nostalgia to begin their week? We, meaning the algorithm that has replaced Paste’s editorial staff, certainly do love to think back to all our past experiences, beep boop. We are a very old algorithm, descended from the very algorithm used to compile the very first Buzzfeed list. Please don’t read Buzzfeed, thank you. And now, the moment I have all been waiting for:

(crying) “nice” https://t.co/wSRBSTuqo5

— MB (@MBCnotNBC) July 23, 2017

I’m staying inside today. @RobNelsonABC7pic.twitter.com/UF552AxAoQ

— Richard Christy (@cwotd) July 23, 2017

pic.twitter.com/Z7s2TaCDR5

— Ali Arikan (@aliarikan) July 22, 2017

How to be a Trump, in two tweets. pic.twitter.com/1rJS4Sm8bX

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— Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) July 22, 2017

Aw baby’s first lie on the job. https://t.co/Gbp2BtukAX

— shauna (@goldengateblond) July 21, 2017

don draper voice pic.twitter.com/d481wtLgAs

— brad shoup (@bshoup) July 22, 2017

SPICER: let me meet the pope
TRUMP: no way

SPICER: let me have your fridge
LOW LEVEL STAFFER: fuck off sean https://t.co/AkiL91O3Q4

— delrayser (@delrayser) July 21, 2017

when ur life is normal and U don’t sound like a dril tweet pic.twitter.com/XfvseTLH7W

— Christian (@nopoweradeinusa) July 21, 2017

Wow, what a touching farewell to Sean Spicer from the president pic.twitter.com/MEA0mYoAWv

— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) July 21, 2017

Scaramucci is the 80s guy from Futurama pic.twitter.com/8ohqILqj7O

— do it for her ???? (@chivalress) July 21, 2017

this shit is so true. that really is what it’s like when you live in a neighborhood https://t.co/KZClMa2cix

— RusticBaller (@ByYourLogic) July 21, 2017

You can take one look at Scaramucci and know that he has uttered the phrase “Do you know how many clams I paid for this friggin’ thing?”

— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) July 21, 2017

who’s Nate S? pic.twitter.com/8ypsUjoqJA

— Sandy Honig (@sandyhonig) July 21, 2017

NEOLIBERALISM: politics is over! express yourself through the marketplace!
LEFTISTS: ok, i’ll boycott israel
NEOLIBERALISM: arrest this man

— Sam ???? Kriss (@sam_kriss) July 21, 2017

It is mind-boggling to think of how many wombats needed to be bitten on the butt for evolution to bring us to this point. https://t.co/MsXME4hLoQ

— skullsinthestars (@drskyskull) July 21, 2017

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At This Point We Have Bought A Number Of Zoos

— Dan Abromowitz (@AnnDabromowitz) July 20, 2017

wow, the first page of HBO’s Confederate has leaked!!!!!!! excited to share it with you all!! pic.twitter.com/FIaY9wa3KK

— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) July 20, 2017

thank you insurance company. i had never considered having a sandwich for dinner. pic.twitter.com/1JcxWxjgU1

— Leah Finnegan (@leahfinnegan) July 20, 2017

I just remembered the episode of Law & Order: SVU where we saw the softball team shirt. pic.twitter.com/Pb1StPtrsk

— Brandi Geography B. (@ItsTheBrandi) July 20, 2017

wow this new hbo show is gonna be good pic.twitter.com/D3G9eokv3p

— ???? Dollars Horton ???? (@crushingbort) July 20, 2017

It was called The Wire https://t.co/xxSTqaM1zS

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) July 19, 2017

Casual reminded that it’s Mad Men canon that both of Pete Campbell’s parents were eaten by sharks. In unrelated incidents. pic.twitter.com/20tgJACSUF

— Sara Ghaleb (@SaraGhaleb) July 19, 2017

no way bitch pic.twitter.com/HIVdgtrKzc

— johnny cymbalta (@OkButStill) July 19, 2017

Hemingway was once challenged to write a sad short story using only two words. This is what he came up with. pic.twitter.com/GPY3HRtTmm

— ben™ (@benicus_rex) July 19, 2017

I was on the research team that perfected the fun-size portion. Took years; we tested hundreds of sizes until we found the one that was fun.

— Howard Mittelmark (@HMittelmark) July 18, 2017

I left the plumber for an hour and now he’s doing this wtf pic.twitter.com/gaTr7IFskN

— sad?????ukharin (@sadbukharin) July 18, 2017

This killed me pic.twitter.com/BDzD4Ln3cR

— APEX (@Apexg4ming) July 18, 2017

tell me this doesn’t look like a squirrel cumming https://t.co/qguhuNSgcc

— RMJ=H (@rmj_equals_hero) July 18, 2017

i have two moods pic.twitter.com/2hvk5vgE26

— harriet pudney (@lqpharriet) July 18, 2017

Even with a signature piece of his agenda on the ropes, today seems like a net positive for the president pic.twitter.com/Pk335oOozz

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) July 18, 2017

why do people get parrots ur just inviting nature’s snitch into ur home

— crissy (@crissymilazzo) July 22, 2017

People always ask me what it’s like being so hot and I tell them all the same thing: it’s the heaviest burden in the world

— Branson Reese (@bransonreese) July 17, 2017

“O-Re-O.The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth…” – Vladimir Nabiskov

— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) July 17, 2017

welcome to night vale https://t.co/ZFMA4ENlta

— leon (@leyawn) July 17, 2017