The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo by Han Myung-Gu/GettyOf the many paragraphs that have already been written about this weekend, today I have been thinking about this one by Jia Tolentino:
The white supremacists marching in Charlottesville were close to celebrating a hundred-year anniversary. The town’s Ku Klux Klan was founded in 1921: they put on hoods and burned crosses at midnight at Monticello, Thomas Jefferson’s sprawling plantation and the site of his grave. “Hundreds of Charlottesville’s leading business and professional men” were in attendance, the Daily Progress, which is still the city’s primary newspaper, wrote at the time. “It is said that the reorganization of the Klan is proceeding rapidly throughout the State, the South, and the Nation.” The K.K.K. made a thousand-dollar donation to the University of Virginia; the school’s president at the time, E. A. Alderman, signed his thank-you note “Faithfully yours.” The belief that America is somehow better than its white-supremacist history is sometimes an excuse masquerading as encouragement, and it’s part of the reason why the K.K.K. is back in business. What happened in Charlottesville is less an aberrant travesty in a progressive enclave than it is a reminder of how much evil can be obscured by the appearance of good.
And here are the tweets:
— Will ???? Menaker (@willmenaker) August 8, 2017
Since we may not have much time left together, I just have to say…I hate most of you pic.twitter.com/J0pKm13f2m
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) August 8, 2017
you: (worried)
me: (500 played hours in the Fallout franchise)— Jules N. Binoculars (@surfbordt) August 8, 2017
call your congressman and tell them you oppose the end of all things, life everywhere reduced to ash, and regulating how big sodas can get
— ???? Dollars Horton ???? (@crushingbort) August 8, 2017
“How did the Nukey War start, Oldfather?”
“Well …” [I stoke the fire] “It was Hashtag International Cat Day…”
— Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) August 8, 2017
seal team six is going to shoot the nukes https://t.co/KgfNujpVAC
— raandy (@randygdub) August 8, 2017
the funny thing is we’ll have completely forgotten about this in 36 hours and there’ll be some new horror
— cd_hooks™ classic (@cd_hooks) August 8, 2017
“I…worked on this nuke for a year…and…he just…he launched it out” – 100 favstar users in two weeks
— brad shoup (@bshoup) August 9, 2017
Everything is fine pic.twitter.com/BXTT3gVVHw
— Lizzy (@thedirtbird) August 9, 2017
huckabee workshopping a guam/guacamole bit rn
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) August 9, 2017
OH GOD NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/LkfvRZ8iQM
— Whucko (@FibulaCrunch) August 10, 2017
This is what a nuclear explosion in the US could look like: pic.twitter.com/JcmkstMEfe
— COLIN BURGESS (@Colinoscopy) August 10, 2017
Oooooh look at my neon polo I’m a golfer. I do a thing for five hours and have special stores. This bag of sticks costs two grand
— Ken Lowery????? (@kenlowery) August 10, 2017
Your law firm name is your surname plus the surnames of all the other named partners at your law firm
— Hera Lindsay Bird (@HeraLindsayBird) August 11, 2017
Wow. I got a Master’s degree at less than a third of her age and in less than a third of the time pic.twitter.com/Gs25Q7DL6K
— Tudley ???? (@Thoirdealbhaigh) August 11, 2017
Every day we stray further from god pic.twitter.com/QpzK639M5L
— dirtbag daddy (@dirtbag_daddy) August 11, 2017
when another boy has more war crimes than you pic.twitter.com/neiOFHQWsJ
— Kill All Nazis (@gaypoison) August 11, 2017
THE WIRE (2002 – 2008) pic.twitter.com/6g6FQYj3md
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) August 11, 2017
Nothing I write will ever be as funny as this pic.twitter.com/R4Y3L01Kx1
— Joe Hospodor (@joehospodor) August 11, 2017
when the news doesn’t know if you’re a lunatic they respond really carefully pic.twitter.com/hCq9i9EwLX
— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) August 11, 2017
my phone background is honestly TOO useful pic.twitter.com/g4nsHYbjIp
— eve ?? peyser (@evepeyser) August 11, 2017
It’s nuts that a part of journalists’ jobs just became “don’t provoke an attack by asking about military action in a country”
— ????s ????? (@JamesFolta) August 11, 2017
In retrospect maybe we shouldn’t have taken all those payoffs to promote feminist video games pic.twitter.com/cUrmUh6Mw6
— luke oneil (normal) (@lukeoneil47) August 12, 2017
really busy week for r/nofap pic.twitter.com/0394a9vjvo
— Sarah Jones (@onesarahjones) August 12, 2017
0 torches: this is the correct amount for most situations
1 torch: ok if you’re exploring a cave
2+ torches: something bad is happening— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) August 12, 2017
Everything happening now is a dumber version of an event preceding it:
Stupid Watergate
Dumb Cuban Missile Crisis
Dipshit Third Reich— Maggie Serota ???? (@maggieserota) August 12, 2017
I dunno man I feel like we heard all the Nazi arguments 80 years ago, and then we executed them for their crimes
— Nathan Bernhardt (@jonbernhardt) August 12, 2017
— Jules N. Binoculars (@surfbordt) August 12, 2017
One. Perfect. Shot.
Confederate (2019) pic.twitter.com/aC782Lzzxf— ?netw3rk (@netw3rk) August 12, 2017
These Nazis are acting extremely racist
— Alan Resnick (@alanresnicks) August 12, 2017
I keep trying to tweet “nazis killed a peaceful protester” and it’s autocorrecting to “one dead in clash with counterprotesters”. weird
— LT. COLONEL KRANG (@KrangTNelson) August 12, 2017
“I can’t believe this is hap-” pic.twitter.com/eaQfUK0Aap
— huda hassan (@_hudahassan) August 12, 2017
President Trump condemns vague concept of badness
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) August 12, 2017
Jeff Sessions investigating white supremacists. pic.twitter.com/GB1hNRPDtW
— Cocky McSwagsalot (@MoreAndAgain) August 13, 2017
Best regards to the wounded. What a long, strange trip it’s been. Have a great summer! https://t.co/5NQX27PYYs
— drop the big lund (@Mobute) August 12, 2017
computer, enhance image pic.twitter.com/64B2J3iUIf
— Jonny (@jonnyathan) August 13, 2017
ATTENTION LADIES OF CHARLOTTESVILLE, THE MEN OF DAILY STORMER ARE SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE pic.twitter.com/lZattIILgr
— shauna (@goldengateblond) August 13, 2017
when u get maced once https://t.co/EKhKIGKkXC
— josh androsky???? (@ShutUpAndrosky) August 13, 2017