The Funniest Tweets of the Week

Hello, it is Monday again. Did everyone have a good weekend? As for me my weekend was just fine. I saw some live music and went to a farmer’s market. I swayed side-to-side a bit and bought some figs. I walked my roommate’s dog, I threw stuff and he brought it back. It was hot for a while, then cooler again. One of my favorite television programs came on. It was very sad. I learned a new method of marinading tofu which is actually very convenient, much better than the previous method, what a terrible method that turned out to be. Meanwhile I and everyone else was tweet tweet tweeting the world away. And here they are, the choicest of the last week’s tweets, all laid out for you right here, I hope you enjoy:

we live in a very weird time pic.twitter.com/FHgTSNz3tE

— Leah Finnegan (@leahfinnegan) October 4, 2017

so my friend bought this darth varder toy and i told him he wasted his money he sent me this. smh. pic.twitter.com/UqUeYFdgMZ

— scary kammy ?????????????? (@Kammy_G) October 6, 2017

I feel like we never had time to fully process the fact that hobby lobby, famed glitter merchant and opponent of birth control, funds ISIS

— KRANG ???? NELSON (@KrangTNelson) October 4, 2017

Most Popular

• The 20 Best Sci-Fi Movies on Netflix (July 2025)
• The 15 Best Sci-Fi Movies on Amazon Prime (July 2025)
• Jesus' Son at 25: A Better Drug Addiction Movie from the Year 2000 Than Requiem for a Dream

I must have the cartoon sauce. I will pay any amount for it. The cartoon sauce! The sauce of the fine cartoon!

— Matt Christman (@cushbomb) October 8, 2017

me describing mario in 2078: well, he traveled through pipes
child: what is pipe
me: it was used to transport wate-
all: THE LIFEBRINGER

— merritt k (@merrittk) October 5, 2017

fuckin two birds one stone pic.twitter.com/idu491vNky

— you’re on ???? (@yiraaann) October 3, 2017

me: maybe i’m losing interest in games
games: you can now be a goose that makes people’s lives difficult
me: i love games again

— Michæl Lu†z (@WarrenIsDead) October 4, 2017

Anyway, would you folks like to start with some appetizers https://t.co/DfIXGa6iG5

— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) October 7, 2017

ALEXANDER: [weeping for there were no worlds left to conquer]
ME: nah…c’mon bro… just enjoy it bro

— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) October 8, 2017

INEED EVERYONE TO SEE THIS pic.twitter.com/gYO0V4YQW5

— ????nessa???? (@artenzim) October 7, 2017

i had a good life before i got online, now my camera roll is mostly screenshots of tweets and pictures of steve bannon

— TRILLIONAIRE???? (@maltyhops) October 6, 2017

1997: I am surfing the web

2007: I am browsing the web

2017: There is no verb for my useless, constant state of being

— frightening lad 5 (@funnylad5) October 6, 2017

RT if you know society doesn’t function like a bird pic.twitter.com/rlJgZUWnR0

— Spooky Adelyte ???????? (@leftisbestwing) October 7, 2017

Incorrect. The cow would die in the vacuum of space. https://t.co/xBIg4mFkwi

— Stefan Heck (@boring_as_heck) October 8, 2017

Related Content

• Threads vs. Bluesky: Can There Be Two Twitter Replacements?
• Former NBCUniversal Ad Exec Linda Yaccarino Is Elon Musk's Choice To Run Twitter

boys love:
rick & morty
beer and a shot
– knowing what year a movie was made

— Alanna Okun (@alanna) May 6, 2017

They fired me as showrunner for Young Sheldon because I made it canon that Young Sheldon is killed and replaced by Current Sheldon

— BranSINNER?????????? (@bransonreese) October 8, 2017

I love the television programme Richard and Morton. I want to have the tangy sugar sauce. Please drive me to the MacDonovan’s. Please möther

— Yaoi Mandel (@Boringstein) October 7, 2017

I came of age in the 60’s & 70’s where all we did was honk on boobs & make movies about New York accents. I realize that’s different now.

— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) October 5, 2017

Rupi Kaur’s poetry has a lot of deeper meaning. For example, when people are talking about it, it can be interpreted as a message to log off

— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) October 5, 2017

Where’s my animated gif royalty check? pic.twitter.com/o2ZJ0g1Lmo

— Tim Heidecker (@timheidecker) October 4, 2017

whats the deal breakfast meal. whats cluckin big chicken. whats the word, large curd. whats goin down charlie brown. what up coffee cup

— Mike F (@mikefossey) October 5, 2017

Few cinephiles may remember this tidbit: in 1983, Cheech & Chong got so high that they forgot they already made Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie pic.twitter.com/ZDPdILcnOd

— COLIN BURGESS (@Colinoscopy) October 4, 2017

Love when a transcriber negs me by making sure my moments of wild incompetence remain intact and recorded pic.twitter.com/wNuMWygKF0

— Tom Philip (@tommphilip) October 3, 2017

the funniest part of the song “Stan” is the part with Eminem writing back and offering sensible, level-headed life solutions. normal guy.

— “TBONE” O’Sullivan (@Bro_Pair) October 2, 2017

formatting words

all
weird

is poetry

one time i saw a guy on
the train

with his junk
wrapped in saran wrap

— ???? a mirror ???? (@crushingbort) October 3, 2017

for sale!!!!! baby shoes!!!! worn!!!! the baby grew up and became benito mussolini!!!! eat shit motherfucker!!!!

— on semi-hiatus (@DOGGEAUX) October 3, 2017

?????????????????????? pic.twitter.com/PnazsFZy3y

— tasha (@phootahaa) October 7, 2017