Good news, it is Monday again and we are all online. What a treat to be here with you, my various chums. We have a great week of content lined up for you here at Paste Comedy, from hot takes to interviews with everyone’s favorite celebs. If a fun new meme happens, you bet we’ll do a list of the funniest tweets about that meme. Maybe some government official will call some other government official a moron again. How fun would that be! Pretty fun, I think. Fingers crossed! Knock on wood. And now, to start us all off, here are the hot tweets from last week, which I curated with my own brain and hands. Have a blast:
Tired: I will eat the porg from Star Wars
Wired: I will eat acclaimed actor Adam Driver— The Ghost of McCrea (@christianmccrea) October 11, 2017
‘blade runner 2049’, denis villeneuve (2017) pic.twitter.com/iSwtylTMmN
— mojo nixon (@TimMacGabhann) October 14, 2017
Can I interest you in some…car insurance?” pic.twitter.com/4E1Z5m81wi
— Spooky Jamil (@JamilMadison) October 15, 2017
“As the husband of a daughter…” https://t.co/Wnka8UxnJc
— Katie Rich (@katiemaryrich) October 15, 2017
When you were assigned a news hit that you did not want to write. pic.twitter.com/axaDn3PakT
— Ragnabrock ???? (@brockwilbur) October 16, 2017
(always sunny theme plays) “Woody Allen Gets Murdered In A Witch Hunt” https://t.co/0NS8LHp5wk
— daniel k (@danielkrby) October 15, 2017
me before getting on twitter: i like harry potter
me after getting on twitter: i am so sorry to everyone for ever enjoying harry potter, had i known how stupid it was i never would have contributed so naively to such foolishness. i now ask deeply for your forgi— ;/ (@perpetuallymad_) October 14, 2017
Who did this pic.twitter.com/7hHCKIPzNJ
— spookyscarysocialist (@ldrinkh20) October 11, 2017
I’m always promoting Wyoming, so if the Yellowstone Caldera blows and kills us all, boy am I gonna look dumb
— Chaugnar Southard (@ConnorSouthard) October 12, 2017
i dare you to look at this and say “spies in disguise” without involuntarily throwing a “ha haaa” on it pic.twitter.com/3HbnG7UBs7
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) October 10, 2017
This part of Pokemon Go always struck me as strange pic.twitter.com/T5E3TrffS0
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) October 12, 2017
You: There’s only two genders
Me, an intellectual: pic.twitter.com/8kKBD4VmL4— Trevor Douglas (@TrevorDmusic) October 11, 2017
When you want to watch Young Frankenstein but Netflix for some reason gives you the subtitles from Lilo & Stitch. pic.twitter.com/LwsvV6kGdI
— Denizcan James (@MrFilmkritik) October 11, 2017
I remember when my parents rioted because McDonald’s ran out of Chicago Hope sauce.
— DeadpoolKostumesmith (@kibblesmith) October 10, 2017
— helena (@helenadonahue) October 12, 2017
As his name is not “Biggest Bird”, we are to understand that Sesame Street is home to at least one, perhaps more, truly immense unseen birds
— TOMb (@tomwalkerisgood) October 11, 2017
Seinfeld 2049
“She’s a Her, Jerry!”— Dan Abromowitz (@AnnDabromowitz) October 12, 2017
— ???? maya killsoff ???? (@mekosoff) October 12, 2017
as the daughter of 8 fathers, i, too, feminism
— ????lga (@runolgarun) October 11, 2017
my name’s marshall mathers/
and i’m here to say/
let’s remove the prez/
in an emoluments way— matt ???? lubchansky (@Lubchansky) October 11, 2017
did anyone do this yet pic.twitter.com/rJftS4TD0j
— Peter Kro????Pumpkin???? (@shaadieali) October 9, 2017
TK TK Boy Scouts TK TK TK Feminists TK War on Masculinity pic.twitter.com/GSvwxzG8iz
— Osita Nwanevu (@OsitaNwanevu) October 11, 2017
when you battle rapping and people can see a kitchenette reflected in your shades pic.twitter.com/pChaJuEdFt
— (((guterman))) (@danguterman) October 11, 2017
kneeling during the national anthem is one thing, but skipping cutscenes? that disrespects everyone
— Partisan Gridlock (@ByYourLogic) October 11, 2017
imagine how good it would feel to cleave bb8 in half with a halberd
— look, in a mirror… (@mattvbrady) October 10, 2017
That classic situation when you’re up against the wall which is covered in so many flowers blooming way too loudly pic.twitter.com/lg5NVBvl5z
— geerie ???? (@girinathan) October 10, 2017
Um so Hillary calls herself a feminist but didn’t kill harvey weinstein when she had a chance???? what a hypocrite
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 10, 2017
counterpoint: obama, please take this child’s guns away pic.twitter.com/5Mt1mnTDOm
— eve peyser (@evepeyser) October 9, 2017