Good morning and welcome to a brand new week of comedy journalism! We have all the goods for you this week: hot gossip, interviews, TV reviews, the latest news, short opinionated blog posts, exclusive tracks from the latest albums, maybe a funny viral video or two. If Comedy Central announces a new show, you bet we’ll write a few vaguely cynical lines about the press release. Trump says “covfefe” again? We’re on it, baby, if by “it” you mean all the tweets about it. UCB starts paying people? Ha ha, imagine! Anything can happen, baby—it’s you and us against the world. And now, to kick it all off, the good tweets:
“I would be really bad at stand-up comedy” -No man, ever
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) November 13, 2017
My take is: all 30 Under 30 lists should include disclosure of parental assets
— Helen Rosner (@hels) November 14, 2017
types “Charles Manson taught me it was okay to be weird” and then hovers over the tweet button for hours, possibly days
— Dok (@DrPuppykicker) November 16, 2017
you, boorish: back at it again at krispy kreme
me, refined: once more unto the kristopher kareem dear friends— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) November 19, 2017
if you get an opportunity to stare a boring dude right in the face and pretend you’ve never heard of the smiths, you should do it
— david binch (@judecomputer) November 17, 2017
good morning pic.twitter.com/o3IyWeBiGH
— pilot (@pilotbacon) November 15, 2017
Donald Trump: The turkey looks particularly shitty this year. I will not pardon it.
Donald Trump Jr (shackled and dressed in a turkey costume): Father, please! Spare me!
Donald Trump: No.— Pixelated “Pixelated Boat” Boat (@pixelatedboat) November 20, 2017
i think about this so much pic.twitter.com/EfoWM9M3ju
— reaghan (@reaghanhunt) November 19, 2017
Spine pic.twitter.com/MxgG10j5Jw
— Branny Ramone (@bransonreese) November 19, 2017
PETA really think I’m about to walk up to what appears to be a dead ass possum and open up its coochie pouch to see if it got babies?! https://t.co/2hyegZYn6X
— Thumby (@RealThumby) November 17, 2017
The Boss and the Baby
2 Boss 2 Baby
The Boss and the Baby: Toyko Drift
Boss & Baby
Boss Five
Boss & Baby 6
Baby 7
The Fate Of The Baby (2017)— Kate Lindsay (@kathrynfiona) November 19, 2017
tired : yes and
wired : (yelled) no!!!— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) November 19, 2017
me: [takes a bite out of a sandwich with potato chips on it]https://t.co/Dyi2Rph0bI
— d?(?)lt?n (@lilghosthands) November 19, 2017
“They found dril’s LinkedIn” is a shorter sadder story than the baby shoes one.
— K. Thor Jensen (@kthorjensen) November 17, 2017
i hate i t when girls think im proposing whenever i take the knee at them in protest
— wint (@dril) November 13, 2017
Man how cool would it be if the last Star Wars movie was called “Star Peace.” I think that would send SUCH a powerful message!!!!
— Sam Taggart (@samttaggart) November 18, 2017
Waiting for Godot… powerful stuff. A few lines that stick out to me:
-Where IS this guy
-Five more minutes and we are outta here!— Sleeping giant (@neonwario) November 18, 2017
this is the only good skate vid i have seen in my entire life pic.twitter.com/BaTXhbe6jY
— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) November 17, 2017
Pop! pic.twitter.com/Tz0aT5d1hS
— jake likes onions (@jakelikesonions) November 18, 2017
“One…………… two……………… three. Three billboards.” – Frances McDormand’s last line in ‘Three Billboards’
— Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) November 18, 2017
ENKIDU: man, what incredible adventures we’ve had together. just wow. what are you thinking we should call our epic?
GILGAMESH: uh— Dan Abromowitz (@AnnDabromowitz) November 18, 2017
the first 23 seasons of Young Sheldon will take some work but then the next 11 are already written
— (((guterman))) (@danguterman) November 17, 2017
we must imagine Sisyphus happy and also as an otter pic.twitter.com/NORUgPbniH
— Existential Comics (@existentialcoms) November 15, 2017
i liked lady bird except the part where all the kids auditioned for their high school musical with sondheim songs. you just don’t do that to an accompanist
— Simon Henriques (@simonhenriques) November 16, 2017
that’s… not a signature pic.twitter.com/CR1UN7RFOe
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) November 16, 2017
I won’t be learning the rules to any more games. If I need to play a game I’ll just play one of the ones I know now
— Sarah Wilson (@sarah_wilsun) November 8, 2017
your father entrusted me with this blade. I return it now… to you pic.twitter.com/u3fYm5kNHa
— crân-buri-ghân (@bromanconsul) November 14, 2017
Me, defending Justice League on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/hLzFjDHcEV
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) November 15, 2017
I’ve been told by networks that they don’t need anymore “female shows” and yet SNL has twelve of the same guy in the cast
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) November 13, 2017
I’ve got Depression pic.twitter.com/rixdMTDM2D
— umami skeleton (@Merman_Melville) November 14, 2017