Hello, it is Christmas morning and you and I are on the internet. And I think that’s just great! I write you from suburban Massachusetts, where Winter Storm Ethan has draped the land in a layer of snow and ice. Thanks, Ethan! We got tiny little doggy mittens for the dog to wear when we walk her. She does not like the doggy mittens. In fact, she hates the doggy mittens. She does not know how to walk in them and she tries to chew them off. It is a damn mess! But on the bright side everyone gets the day off, except for this post. What are you going to do today? Me, I am probably going to see The Post. Or possibly Star Wars again. Or maybe watch all of the Futurama Christmas episodes. Who knows! Okay, bye.
This is the twins from the suite life of zack and Cody now. So crazy pic.twitter.com/5NT9ja99nc
— the pinp (@EMlNEMOBAMA) December 18, 2017
rowan atkinson’s wikipedia entry reaps wild dividends pic.twitter.com/FCmajAVBBR
— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) December 21, 2017
What the hell? pic.twitter.com/1lx3dEXdDA
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) December 23, 2017
finally getting to watch Dunkirk the way it was intended to be seen pic.twitter.com/vSqGquIMs4
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) December 20, 2017
Same. pic.twitter.com/0f19WQojqa
— jordan yule log ?? (@JordanUhl) December 23, 2017
Ah, yes. The 1930s – the best economic time for all Americans. https://t.co/MFz3Vok9aF
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) December 20, 2017
i figured out what it was pic.twitter.com/SNNe5Dv5IW
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) December 23, 2017
jfc LA, chill out, the thing in the sky was just the trail from a space launch by an eccentric billionaire who is obsessed with the simulation hypothesis, it wasn’t anything weird, ok?
— Curtis Retherford (@ActuallyCurtis) December 23, 2017
me when i make 12 dollars pic.twitter.com/9SrkAnZxex
— sara????????june (@heysarajune) December 23, 2017
I fixed it pic.twitter.com/mvnsyUzcvA
— Joseph Carnegie (@JoeCarnegie) December 23, 2017
“No, Mr. Claus. I expect you to die.” pic.twitter.com/Qw18cHq2Fo
— A Nerd Called Berto (@DryBertini) December 22, 2017
you know what they say..if you fail constantly, if everyone thinks you suck ass, and you do other bad things. “You will get $1,000,000 soon”
— wint (@dril) December 23, 2017
My cartoon in issue 6 of American Bystander pic.twitter.com/afMkM51dnH
— Charlie Hankin (@mecharliehankin) December 22, 2017
The realest moment in The Post is when a copy editor is handed a breaking story of immense national significance and immediately crosses out the first sentence.
— Sam Adams (@SamuelAAdams) December 22, 2017
When u drink coffe w ur brother who also a is #psychiatristpic.twitter.com/5jsp8ngbtG
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) December 22, 2017
The naked condescension of the question “But do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?” makes my blood boil.
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) December 22, 2017
hmmm they spelled “sewer” wrong pic.twitter.com/j9DiDtIGvM
— Joe Rumrill (@2tonbug) December 21, 2017
When your friend makes a sad post and you don’t know what to say, so you just ‘like’ it instead pic.twitter.com/B83jZUmIcG
— ???? Dolphin Casanova (@TheZombiUnicorn) December 19, 2017
Oh no! Your Star Wars had some “inconsistencies”? So sad.
Listen here motherfucker. I saw Episode 1-3 in theaters. I sat through shit you couldn’t imagine. Jar-Jar Binks. BackFlipping Yoda. Midichloreans. Space diners. That’s right, a FUCKING SPACE DINER. AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE-
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) December 20, 2017
Watched a tour guide politely listen to the same bad joke in two different languages and the way he grimaced as he turned away will haunt me for the rest of my dumb life.
— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) December 20, 2017
when I order eggs and they say they stopped serving breakfast at 11 pic.twitter.com/zKhEZeGbYR
— maura “are jack and biz nazis?” quint (@behindyourback) December 24, 2017
If you’re not gay you’re not PAYING ATTENTION.
— Bowen Yang (@bowenyang) December 20, 2017
Wow pic.twitter.com/kpiVfnXuPP
— Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) December 20, 2017
the craziest character in Star Wars history is the guy who tastes a new planet and goes “salt.” fucking lunatic
— Owen Ellickson (@onlxn) December 20, 2017
So…. we meet again. pic.twitter.com/pYKUv7MIlZ
— umami skeleton (@Merman_Melville) December 20, 2017
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. pic.twitter.com/CnfgdGjnmb
— Michael Parks (@Cuthpaste) December 19, 2017
the prevalence of james corden is a market failure orders of magnitude larger than the global financial crisis
— j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) December 19, 2017
Imagine needing three separate ghosts to teach you a lesson
— rachel andelman (@rajandelman) December 18, 2017
this is a real ending to a real book review published in the new york god damn times. high school-ass conclusion. “in sum, Lord Of The Flies really made me think about things.” pic.twitter.com/vjzi3i6g4y
— sebastian gawker (@libbycwatson) December 18, 2017
MATT DAMON: …and that’s why I don’t believe in the gender wage gap or maternity leave
US WEEKLY INTERVIEWER: My question was what’s it like to work with Jason Sudeikis— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) December 19, 2017
ppl are hung up on who rey’s dad is & meanwhile chewie is right there. driving her to jedi practice. keeping the engine running. dropping her off to meet the new boyfriend he doesn’t exactly approve of, but just tells her to get home safe. her search for a father figure is OVER
— ????all I want for christmas is yuuuuuvic BABY???? (@inknose) December 18, 2017
CHILD: But how can Santa deliver toys to every little boy and girl on his list in one night?
ME: (laughs) It’s quite simple. The items on Santa’s list are called blocks, and each block in his “blockchain” typically contains a hash pointer, a timestamp, and transaction data…— Mike Pearl (@MikeLeePearl) December 23, 2017
when ppl r horny to board the plane it’s like…..no rush babe ur gna be sitting there for 4 hours, enjoy ur last moments of freedom!!!!!
— Catherine Cohen (@catccohen) December 22, 2017
okay The Last Jedi was great pic.twitter.com/RJZYI5xFZM
— dethe (@greend00d) December 17, 2017