Congratulations, you made it to the second week of 2018. It was a tough journey but here you are, on a website, the sun shining outside and the birds making all their little sounds. “Chick-a-dee-dee-dee. “Caw, caw, caw.” “Bluejay bluejay bluejay.” Beautiful stuff. Like you, I’m absolutely thrilled to see what comedy news happens in the comedy world this week. Something good, I hope! But for now it is enough to sit here in glorious, anxious anticipation, mmm yes. How about some tweets to tide us over, okay? Yes, okay. See you soon:
my household has a winter storm protocol called “operation midnight leopard” where we go get like four cans of soup. such is the way of the midnight leopard
imagine being the first swords-and-sandals-epic director to suggest “hey guys, when you shake hands….just clasp your forearms together.” the game was well and truly changed that day
i bring raisins in my lunch every day and they get really hard in the work fridge so i microwave the little raisin box for like 15 seconds. theres no other work around, this is a smart way to do things.
I tried to leave as much negativity in 2017 as possible but my fury over Jason Mraz’s dumb hat being in the Waitress ads has FLOWN with me into the new year pic.twitter.com/y05ePWpY0f
mario, from under the sink: yeah i see the problem, you got living mushrooms and turtles walking around in here. jesus buddy you got multiple castles back here. i’m gonna have to fight a dragon
god I’m a sucker for a good Cask of Amontillado gag. I will follow anywhere you lead for the promise of a good Cask of Amontillado gag. down here you say? sure. man, it’s dark
— kirby, the royal they, worst of their name, ? (@fancyrectangles) January 1, 2018
I make New Years resolutions every day, multiple times a day. Imagine that level of daily suspense and inner warfare.
any time an episode of black mirror is described to me, it replaces the previous episode of black mirror that was described to me as the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard
