At least two major events happened last week: the Royal Wedding and the Yanny or Laurel meme. Unfortunately I neither watched the wedding nor listened to the Yanny/Laurel clip so I can’t say much about either. I’m sure they were very exciting and meant a whole lot to a bunch of people. Truth is, I started playing Fallout 4 last weekend so I just really haven’t been keeping up on the zeitgeist. But I am up to level 33 and I’ve got about a dozen settlements, all with happiness levels in the 70s or 80s. So, not a bad week last week if you ask me. And as for this week? Let’s just say I’ve got a good feeling about it. Okay okay, here you go:
I honestly have NO idea who’s getting married to who….. Not on my Radar.
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) May 19, 2018
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) May 21, 2018
me: h-
meme account: meghan markle’s FRIENDS ?? set her up on a BLIND DATE with…. a PRINCE ????? my friends fucking SUCK they would never omg i HATE my “”friends”” i’m gonna KILL THEM ALL
— nicole boyce (@nicolewboyce) May 20, 2018
Been checking out this new little show, ‘Rick and Morty’, and it’s looking pretty good so far. Not perfect but OK. Thinking of maybe basing my entire personality around it
— H. Bomberguy (@Hbomberguy) May 20, 2018
the perfect event pic.twitter.com/4BL4e2sHvh
— Steven Markow (@Steven_Markow) May 20, 2018
I’ve never not had this pinned to my wall since I was 14 years old pic.twitter.com/SaScBzPng5
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 19, 2018
Wow I was gonna see the new Star Wars movie til I saw the translation of what Chewbacca was saying pic.twitter.com/GPDdDBX7br
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) May 17, 2018
“The Office” with Rajat @rajat_sureshpic.twitter.com/riMFlCdwh0
— jeremy levick (@levickjeremy) May 19, 2018
— Jake Jeppson (@jakeyjeppson) May 19, 2018
JORDAN PETERSON: you know how witches live in swamps right
ME: huh? oh yeah
JORDAN PETERSON: and how old kings are always living in towers
ME: already left the room what— DougExeter (@DougExeter) May 18, 2018
Elon Musk going thru his Random Phase to legitimize his freaky relationship with Grimes is so humiliating for both of them lmao pic.twitter.com/HT8XvSJH5I
— Christin Bailey (@hexprax) May 18, 2018
-tweeting about stuff thats off-topic is “Random”. never do this.
-tweeting about current event stuff is “Topical”. and this is also a crime— wint (@dril) May 18, 2018
Can you imagine auditioning for a supporting part on a basic cable pilot about a fake lawyer, not getting the part, and finding out that the woman who got the part is now marrying the Prince of England?!
— Evan Susser (@EvanSusser) May 19, 2018
— David Chen (@davechensky) May 19, 2018
just got a sneak preview of what they’ll be serving at the royal wedding… honestly I’m a little surprised pic.twitter.com/K9EpfRg3k6
— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) May 18, 2018
this has to win some kind of record for the longest run up to the least funny joke in history https://t.co/KlgmfyUnl4
— derek davison (@dwdavison9318) May 18, 2018
I have a lot of respect for whoever told the president that Bill Gates was Yahoo Answers https://t.co/rBdkJqvSt9
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) May 17, 2018
Neil deGrasse Tyson never calls out the most unrealistic thing in movies, adult friends hanging out
— DC Pierson (@DCpierson) May 17, 2018
I am quitting comedy to pursue my true passion – not doing comedy
— Harris Mayersohn (@harrismayer) May 16, 2018
Science finally does something useful. pic.twitter.com/DjYUcwpgih
— Howard Mittelmark (@HMittelmark) May 16, 2018
i love writing advice that’s like “don’t think about critics. don’t think about the market. don’t entertain even the passing fancy that anyone will ever look at your writing with a discerning eye. you fuckin sellout trying to make it so people like your life’s work. big idiot
— Alexandra Tanner (@alexbtanner) May 16, 2018
the funniest part of any live sketch or improv show is when the lady comes out in the end and yells “there’s another group coming in, everybody please leave NOW”
— dom nero (@dominicknero) May 16, 2018
— maple cocaine (@historyinflicks) May 15, 2018
when i’ve got a funny story but i have to wait until my friend finishes talking pic.twitter.com/gkXmtoGAtC
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) May 14, 2018
Haha I am sorry pic.twitter.com/Jspknl4CGl
— Marcia Belsky (@MarciaBelsky) May 14, 2018
“I am insane.” pic.twitter.com/APAt1QP8W9
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) May 14, 2018
— Jason Adam Katzenstein (@JasonAdamK) May 14, 2018