Terrible week, everyone. First Trump did an all-caps tweet threatening nuclear war with Iran, then Facebook stock tanked, then a YouTube comic crashed and burned at Just For Laughs, then the HBO original series Succession finally got good in the penultimate episode of the season. To make matters worse, I compiled all of these tweets before a Congressional candidate tweeted about how her opponent is apparently into Bigfoot porn, so it’s too late to scoop up all the hot new content currently spewing out of the content geysers. Sucks! Well, off we go, then:
Me after watching Nanette: Stand up is a limitless art form. It can be whatever you want
I once started crying during the Virgin America safety video because I was overwhelmed at how much heart and effort went into making it. The woman next to me caught me, so I made up a lie about leaving someone I loved behind. Had to keep up the lie most of the 3.5 hr flight.
— Tawny WestCoastTour Newsome (@TrondyNewman) July 29, 2018
Tom Cruise’s career is a testament to what you can get away with if you can run convincingly on camera. Like, truly haul ass
i love music. music is my life. “greensleeves”? fuckin awesome song. the cover of greensleeves by barbara dane? slaps. coltrane’s version of greensleeves? moving. genius. jethro tull’s greensleeves? a singular moment in rock and roll history. jeff beck’s “greensleeves”?dont get m
hey starbucks can you explain? do you think this is a name? like do you think this is an actual human name that someone would bestow upon their child pic.twitter.com/g88vgTEwrm
I’m at Hershey Park and the Ice Breakers Mints mascot keeps following me into the bathroom asking me if there will be room in heaven for someone as disgusting as him pic.twitter.com/kbOKlRhTj2
jj abrams: another good Cloverfield movie on par with 10 Cloverfield Lane… edoes that sound like something you’d want? me: (crying) yes jj abrams: well let me tell you you’re never gonna get it
The most worrying thing about this Sasha Baron Cohen show is that many of our leaders saw a man in an enormous rubber halloween mask and said “sure yah, I talk to this like it is a normal guy”
People forget what a large cultural impact this Mad Men quote had. Bumper stickers, office break rooms, the State of the Union address — EVERYBODY was saying it. pic.twitter.com/DPCk9J6PYD
— popular comedy account “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) July 23, 2018
If you do NOT suffer from depression then please STOP telling who do to exercise … Exercise will NOT cure a chemical imbalance in the brain; the ONLY thing that can do that is stealing large sums of money from federally insured banking centers
