The Sit-Down Chain Restaurants of My Youth, Ranked
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When I was growing up in the late ‘90s and early 2000s in suburbs scattered around the eastern half of the U.S., my parents would, maybe once or twice a month, decide to take the family out to dinner. It might be to celebrate a birthday or a holiday, but more often than not, it was just an excuse to get out and do something different as a family. The food itself was of varying quality depending on the restaurant in question, but I remember loving the atmosphere that felt just slightly fancy, the sugary, frozen virgin cocktails I was occasionally allowed to order, the hum of families and couples sharing breadsticks and the clink of forks and knives on nondescript white plates.
TGI Friday’s may not be at the top of the list of my favorite restaurants at this point in my life, but these types of restaurants still hold a special place in my heart. And sometimes, when I’m tired of yet another overpriced brasserie meal at the new trendy place that just opened, when I don’t want the coconut curry mussels or the ridiculously expensive pan con tomate or the overcooked octopus tenderly placed on a smear of some Mediterranean-inspired sauce that you can find at seemingly every small plates restaurant these days, I’ll venture to the suburbs for an $11 cocktail and some chicken tenders that taste the same as they did when I was nine years old.
Normally, I hate the idea of chain restaurants, their bottom lines always superseding flavor and hospitality and everything that should make a meal worth enjoying. But I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy these restaurants at all; that sense of nostalgia is hard to shake. These are the sit-down chain restaurants of my youth, ranked.
10. Mellow Mushroom
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s the co-opting of psychedelic culture by a corporation run by people who would probably lose their shit if they took a single puff off a joint. There’s actually no place on earth I’d want to be less than a Mellow Mushroom if I was actually under the influence of mushrooms. Vibes aside, my experiences with the pizza there were disappointing at best and nearly inedible at worst.
9. Ruby Tuesday
I genuinely forgot that Ruby Tuesday even existed until writing this article. It has the kind of random assortment of dishes on its menu that lets you know that none of it is actually going to taste good. It’s always felt to me like a place where you could order seafood but you should absolutely not order seafood. Who’s still eating here?
8. Outback Steakhouse
Was it just me, or was Australia very much (and very randomly) in the public consciousness in the late 2000s? I never liked steak growing up, so I didn’t particularly like going to Outback. Now that I’ve developed a taste for red meat, I can say that the steaks themselves are very hit or miss, but when it comes to the sides, Outback is basically designed to disappoint.
7. Applebee’s
Is the food at Applebee’s objectively kind of bad? Yes. But something about Applebee’s still seems charming to me; I’ve always loved the homey-looking decor, the dark wood at the bar and now, the cheap drinks. Applebee’s may not be good, but it is fun.
6. TGI Friday’s
TGI Friday’s is the perfect place for families who have completely divergent tastes, because this menu is all over the place. It’s more of a gathering place than a restaurant that’s really focused on food, and you know what? It serves its purpose. I wonder how many life-altering family fights have taken place under the roof of a TGI Friday’s.
5. The Cheesecake Factory
Whenever I hear people complain about The Cheesecake Factory, they’re not complaining about how the food tastes. I genuinely think TCF offers one of the best chain restaurant menus around. Rather, I think most of the animosity toward the chain relates to the wildly high calorie and sodium counts many of the dishes there boast. But why are we looking at the nutritional information at a chain like The Cheesecake Factory anyway? Just play dumb and enjoy!
4. Cracker Barrel
The rocking chairs, the puzzle on the table, the shop full of kitschy crap you have to wander through before you pay for your meal: It all creates a chain restaurant experience unlike any other. I love Cracker Barrel (and their chicken and dumplings).
3. Romano’s Macaroni Grill
Let’s face it: Romano’s Macaroni Grill was always kind of an Olive Garden knockoff, but some of the pasta dishes there are seriously delicious. The huge portions mean you always get the next day’s lunch out of it too.
2. Chili’s
Chili’s is more than a mid-priced chain restaurant with mediocre food: It’s a cultural phenomenon, a celebration of the soul-crushing and easy simplicity of the suburbs, served with as much fried mozzarella as you could possibly fit in your mouth. What’s not to love?
1. Olive Garden
Hear me out! I know everyone loves to hate on Olive Garden, and yes, the pasta does taste like it’s been frozen and then microwaved in plastic. But you can’t deny that Olive Garden has the world’s best breadsticks—and no, that’s not an exaggeration. There are few joys in life as simple and as profound as an Olive Garden breadstick, and I intend to engage in that joy as long as I (or the chain) live.
Samantha Maxwell is a food writer and editor based in Boston. Follow her on Twitter at @samseating.