The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo of Matt Gaetz courtesy of Getty
Sure, the west continues to slide closer towards fascism, and our democracy is facing an unparalleled crisis where one of two parties has fully embraced lawlessness and is now openly talking about a third term for their grease-stained Takhomasak of a president, but at least we have an app devoted solely to constantly reminding us about all of this to keep us company. Okay, one out of every 2000 or so tweets isn’t a huge flashing arrow pointed directly at whatever makes you most angry, sad or afraid, and those rare drizzlings of quality laffs is pretty much the only reason to not throw your twitter machine directly into the sun. It’s not healthy or right to forget about Trump or the UK election or everything else terrible in the world today, but it might be healthy to try and wring some grim chucks out of all this monstrosity. Here’s where the tweets come in. These are our faves for the week, a particularly terrible week, all things considered.
Absolutely gutted for this man who couldn’t get horny at Walmart today. pic.twitter.com/n6tuV4zY22
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 6, 2019
ok you know Garfields litterbox be fucked up!!
— Dan Licata (@danlicatasucks) December 7, 2019
thank you but I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m brave I drove around with a red hot chili peppers sticker on every car I owned for ten years
— Sarah Everett (@goddammitsarah) December 7, 2019
To think a Scientologist on cocaine in Burbank said “baby yoda” in a meeting a year ago and now it’s all this.
— Tim Heidecker (@timheidecker) December 7, 2019
I am the Rihanna of standup (refuse to write new material, have made millions selling makeup).
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) December 8, 2019