On one hand we want to be positive and try to give people an enjoyable alternative to the real world misery we’re all now stuck in. On the other hand the funniest humor is often rooted in real pain, and since today is especially painful, so are some of the best jokes, gags and goofs circulating around right now. So if you’re trying to avoid anything that reminds you of what’s happening outside your front door—which we entirely understand and support—maybe don’t read these tweets. Definitely keep this page open for a while, though, to help boost our numbers—ad rates have just collapsed over the last month. Not asking for sympathy, just stating a fact.
Anyway, here are some tweets. Laugh with ‘em, if you can. And stay safe and strong out there—or, as we should probably say, in there.
Everyone this week pic.twitter.com/12VbyomIP2
— Hales (@haleiga) March 28, 2020
Hmm yes fascinating pic.twitter.com/M7IaDoTrDI
— Aleph (@woke8yearold) March 27, 2020
There’s gonna be a viral cooking video where an actual person is killed and prepared as food, but no one will notice because it’s part of a 7-layer casserole that also includes creamed spinach, Oreos, and Listerine fresh breath strips
— house jerk (@rajandelman) March 28, 2020
the true star of Tiger King is the woman who says, as she’s chopping firewood, that she got implants she didn’t even want because it gave her an opportunity to lay down for a few days
— rachel bell (@racheltacobell) March 28, 2020
it was https://t.co/Ppp5GyxiAK
— Krispy Scream (@mitchysuch) March 28, 2020
I know a boss fight when I see one. https://t.co/qGoKprd20V
— smilesmorales (@mode7heaven) March 27, 2020
If you’ve never played video games, this means America has one hit point left. https://t.co/QAAZeMM3dA
— John-Michael Bond (@BondJohnBond) March 31, 2020
Trump: Death is bad, folks. Very very bad. Many people are saying this
Journalists: A somber Trump struck an unusually presidential tone as he grappled with the magnitude of the crisis
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) March 31, 2020
we’re indoors 3 weeks and they’ve already created religion pic.twitter.com/oWf1pwajZD
— skoog (@Skoog) March 30, 2020
This is just a bear… being a good citizen. pic.twitter.com/OCqnUwioFZ
— Bryan Leblanc (@bryan_leblanc) March 31, 2020
SUPERCUT every quarantine hangout call for work pic.twitter.com/PaDpks9Si1
— Brendon Culhane! (@brendonheyhey) April 1, 2020
Trump’s tone has changed. He’s much more Presidential, and I suspect this is the more serious, dignified leader we’ll see going forward. I was born yesterday from a tiny golden egg.
— Bill Corbett (@BillCorbett) April 1, 2020
the day has finally come~ pic.twitter.com/lrLd1VcLJe
— Claire Shaffer (@claireeshaffer) April 1, 2020
“party” size doritos refers to the mindset not the amount of ppl
— philip matarese (@philorphilip) April 1, 2020
All gay guys know how to do is eat hot chip and lie about being gay so they can donate life saving blood.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) April 2, 2020
Andy serkis is practicing rolling around in a ball in case he is called upon to play the coronavirus
— josh ‘Letterman’ (oldfriend99) (@oldfriend99) April 1, 2020
really helpful info to have right now! pic.twitter.com/FtWqIIrilK
— JEREMY (@jeremylevick) April 1, 2020
my husband-elect returned from a run to the store with both toilet paper AND a roll of paper towels and now i think i know how cavewomen felt when their cavemen returned from a hunt with a woolly mammoth
— Erin I Saw A Tiger Ryan (@morninggloria) April 2, 2020
“My father is currently calling the virus’s father.” pic.twitter.com/bSpcDr9zxb
— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) April 3, 2020
I literally do not understand cooking or chefs like do they just wake up in the morning like “omg I have an idea for a soup”
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) April 2, 2020
Divorced parents during social distancing pic.twitter.com/Wcr4TD1MBP
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) April 2, 2020
Everything is terrible but my neighbor has a big dog named Maximus and just named his new tiny dog Minimus.
— Brian Stack (@BrianStack153) April 2, 2020
knowing that I owe the federal government $3,000 in taxes and my landlord $2,000 in rent and that every single source of my income has disappeared? Well honey, that’s the American dream
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) April 2, 2020