The Funniest Tweets of the Week (Boxing Day Edition)

Culture’s only going to get weirder, huh? Like, we’re all so obsessed with celebrity in our own way, and what it takes to be and maintain celebrity is only growing more and more batshit. Like the Kevin Spacey thing is obviously creepy, bad, and awful, but it was also inevitable? It’s only a matter of time before every disgraced newsmaker resorts to recording YouTube videos in character, isn’t it? What I’m saying is Michael Richards should have apologized in person as Kramer; black people love Kramer.

Boomer men love to require you to turn on five large electronic boxes in order to watch TV. Each box has its own remote, each more fiendish than the last. If you turn them on in the wrong order, none will work. If you fail, you’ll have to talk about politics.

— Two Eds In A Coat (@edswebpresence) December 25, 2018

straight line:
______________________________________

dashed line:
___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

people with a healthy relationship with their family that go home during the holiday season’s instagram story:
– – – – – – – – – – – –
–

— malcolm-aimé (@malcolmaime) December 25, 2018

(white guy, dribbles three times and kicks it back out)

Announcer: he does so many things that just don’t show up on the stat sheet

— L Ron Mexico (@LRonMexico) December 26, 2018

THERES GONNA COME A POINT IN MY LIFE IM GONNA HAVE TO FIGHT ALL MY SONS SHIRTLESS IN THE DRIVEWAY THATS WILD B

— THE KID MERO (@THEKIDMERO) December 26, 2018

angel: i dunno boss, the father’s gonna have to be a real idiot to believe that story

god: i think-

[cut to joseph accidentally nailing a board to his hand]

god: i think i have the perfect guy

— Skoog (@Skoogeth) December 25, 2018

this is the perfect time of year to post thirst traps everyone is in their childhood home wistful and horny

— jaboukie (@jaboukie) December 23, 2018

Nothing says I’m Conservative like a goatee.

— Kasey Kuppenbender (@KCKuppenbender) December 25, 2018

have sex with me but don’t be weird about it challenge

— AshleyRay Grande (@arayyay) December 24, 2018

AHEAD OF HER TIME pic.twitter.com/DgOJOYutpM

— Anthony (@anthonygonnn) December 25, 2018

buying an assortment of soaps and ointments to make my ass hole less stupid

— wint (@dril) December 26, 2018

ig calls it a ‘story’ but what narrative are you actually telling? who are the central characters? what are their motivations? which plot devices are you employing to further their emotional arch? is there pain? and most importantly is there redemption?

— Mitchell Kuga (@mitchellkuga) December 24, 2018

Just saw Aquaman and it confirmed what I’ve been saying for years: The ocean is too deep

— Naomi Ekperigin (@Blacktress) December 25, 2018

Just tweeting this out cause my friend did sound on it I want to support https://t.co/woRKKtoGP8

— Biniam Bizuneh (@biniambiz) December 25, 2018

just saw someone call shaun king thurgood partial and now I’m having a merry christmas

— folu (@notfolu) December 25, 2018

Remember. Kevin McCallister could have phoned the police at any time. He was a child who had accidentally been left alone. One call and he would have been safe. But it was never about safety. He was hunting those men. He wanted them to die. It was fun for him. He enjoyed it.

— Trevor Moore (@itrevormoore) December 26, 2018

The fact that we are now writing “watch till the end” on 60 second videos really speaks to where we are as a society.

— Joe List (@JoeListComedy) December 26, 2018

We decided to watch It’s A Wonderful Life and my dad said “Every year I wait for Jimmy Stewart to jump off that bridge but he never does it” merry Xmas from the original edgelord

— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 25, 2018

Imagine having never watched House of Cards but then finding out Kevin Spacey is being formally charged with sexual assault followed by having NO CONTEXT WHAT SO EVER for that video he just posted of him in an apron? This is my story, in three parts, on Christmas Eve… 1/3

— Madison Shepard (@MadisonShepard) December 25, 2018