The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo by John-Michael Bond
Twitter is a wonderful place when it isn’t being utilized by Nazis, trolls, right wing activists, or anti-vaxers. For me, oddly, it’s become my ideal place to learn about the death of a celebrity or public figure. Suddenly your feed, by and large, becomes a tiny wake. Fans share stories you never heard before alongside clips of great moments in the person’s life. This past week on Twitter I learned about the passing of Russi Taylor, a legendary voice actor who was the longtime voice of Minnie Mouse and is probably best known to Paste Comedy fans for her work on The Simpsons. As the voice of Martin Prince, Taylor brought soul to one of the show’s best side characters. Even as a fan, I never took the time to learn who voiced that character this week. But when she passed, I’m grateful I’ve cultivated the sort of Twitter feed where I got the news, even if I didn’t know I cared about it until right then.
#RIP Russi Taylor, 75.
The voice of Minnie Mouse since 1986.
But for fans of @TheSimpsons she was the enthusiastic nerdy student Martin Prince, the twins Sherri & Terri, and the chocolate loving German exchange student Üter. pic.twitter.com/renLphCpXa— Rhett Bartlett (@dialmformovies) July 27, 2019
Martin Prince was the bullied kid whose jokes were mostly at his expense but my god were they good jokes, and Russi Taylor’s delivery really sold his precocious dweebiness. Imagine running off these lines so confidently while keeping that high pitch. RIP.https://t.co/cVaYNYZ78U
— Valondar (@VK_HM) July 27, 2019
Rest in peace Russi Taylor. Here are the funniest Tweets of the week.
ive made a lot of tweets about my “ex boyfriend” and a lot of people ask, how many guys have you dated tallie? but i want you all to know that every viral tweet about my ex boyfriend was about ONE guy so just imagine how shitty he was. just imagine it.
— (@thomasjeferstan) August 1, 2019
A BBC correspondent just referred to Boyz II Men as “Boys Eleven Men”. And it was wonderful.
— Keith Negley (@keithnegley) July 29, 2019
Kurt Russell spends the entire finale of BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA with lipstick smeared on his face. That’s why he’s my favorite actor. https://t.co/ILx5QkzqJu
— BenDavid Grabinski (@bdgrabinski) August 1, 2019
It’s cat picking season pic.twitter.com/6UzzC0DcBY
— Cats (@bestcataccount) August 1, 2019
My titties when I run pic.twitter.com/NGFHrsrlBu
— Kesha (@bigdvvddym) August 1, 2019
de niro in dolls kill platforms…a hot girl summer miracle pic.twitter.com/36tltR438z
— taylor (@taylorgayng) July 31, 2019
These are the types of messages you long to get as a comedian pic.twitter.com/EjYIXbvrfq
— Allen Strickland Williams (@TotallyAllen) August 1, 2019
When I was a teenager, I used to call into the classic rock radio station in Pittsburgh (WRRK) to try and win contests. I would pretend to be my dad so that I was old enough to win. By my count, I won around 57 times. pic.twitter.com/IQXKqiRk2L
— Joe Kwaczala (@joekjoek) July 29, 2019
wow man last year i was sleeping on my sisters floor, had no money, struggling to get plays on my music, suffering from daily headaches, now i’m gay.
— nope (@LilNasX) July 28, 2019
One time, this telemarketer called me trying to sell me stock in some company, and for like 20 minutes, I pretended I was interested. When he realized I was stringing him along, he said he could tell by my voice how fat I was, and then he ended up selling me a gun. Good salesman.
— Ray Kump (@RayKump) July 28, 2019
Nine years in a Twitter account. pic.twitter.com/e4cxZOEdAw
— Michael Brown (@ImMichaelBrown) July 28, 2019
Women: get death and rape and deathrape threats constantly over Twitter.
Police: “sorry, nothing we can do.”
Dude: Makes obvious joke tweet about stealing a walrus.
Police: https://t.co/oZJCMMBFX1
— Good Ol’ Spike-X (@SpikeEcks) July 27, 2019
Best part about eating alone at a restaurant & being on your phone? The moments when you’ve refreshed the feed & there’s nothing new and you realize what a mindless insect you look like, absolutely
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) July 27, 2019
An Indiana cop claimed that someone at McDonald’s deliberately bit into his hamburger after finding out he was a cop. You’ll never guess what actually happened pic.twitter.com/6WMqbxuZXJ
— socialists for biden (@lib_crusher) July 27, 2019
The name ‘Chad’ has a lotta range, it’s either the whitest name on the planet or a country in Africa. There’s no town in Sweden called “Deontay.’
— mark normand (@marknorm) August 1, 2019
My main issue with Joe Rogan culture is now every dude is intermittent fasting and I want fucking breakfast
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) July 30, 2019
Brie Larson: White male film critics are over represented and it’s a problem for the industry.
Insecure Males: Why do you hate white men, Brie?
White Male Film Critic: This Dora the Explorer Movie didn’t have enough fucking.
— Will O. (@whoiswillo) July 29, 2019
i shoot only on film. experimental stuff. naked, thin white women, no older than 25. sometimes there is a blur.
— Randon Rosenbohm (@randonrosenbohm) July 29, 2019
i regret to inform you i just received word that buying books is not the same as reading them. i’m asking you please respect my privacy during this time
— jaboukie (@jaboukie) July 30, 2019
One time in 5th grade I wrote this poem:
“Carrots cooked
And Carrots raw
The only root
That’s good to gnaw”And my teacher was like “bailey listen to me. you’re a genius.”
And that’s why my personality is so bad now as an adult.
— Bailey Norton (@baileyenorton) July 29, 2019
i saw my exs family last night. her parents hugged me and said “im sorry for any pain our daughter has caused you. shes a dumbass. you are so fucking cool and sick as hell and can kickflip and are awesome and also cool. when she realizes it, its gonna be too late.”
woah
— jake (@callmeshitto) July 28, 2019
Want to interact with a celebrity on https://t.co/Q4OaQXnW4I? Say something disparaging about Colin Jost and Michael Che will suddenly appear to argue with you
— MKupperman (@MKupperman) August 1, 2019