I don’t think we’re talking enough about the UFC’s attempts to keep running shows during the pandemic. They bought an island. They were going to hold fights on that island. They call it Fight Island. In an attempt to prove he’s the manliest man around, UFC head Dana White basically turned himself into a real-life supervillain. He was ready to do a real-life Enter the Dragon for all the world to watch—aired on a Disney-owned channel, no less—just to keep chipping away at the massive debt UFC’s owners took on to buy the company, and so he could crow on about how the UFC didn’t tap out to the highly infectious disease that’s ravaging the entire world. Dana White’s an idiot, is my point. And yes, there’s at least one tweet about that whole thing below.
So yes: this was a week. It had tweets. Here are the funniest of them. The first one is about Louis CK because of course the first one was going to be about Louis CK, who at the start of the week released his first stand-up special since being outed as a serial sex creep. Start with that and then make your way down the list at your own leisure. Look, you’re free to read this junk however you wish. I’m just gonna back out and let you get started on that, okay?
Louis CK releasing a special when no one can leave the room feels pretty on brand TBH
— Tiffany Stevenson (@tiffstevenson) April 4, 2020
Is this church gonna whoop Jesus’s ass? pic.twitter.com/PU6kbdhc2m
— Corey Ryan Forrester (@CoreyRForrester) April 6, 2020
Jar Jar Binks after seeing you bench press 250lbs: https://t.co/TkZUGN2Fcc
— – ?? New! ??- Goose Boose (@Goosenpai) April 6, 2020
I just cannot get over the fact that the universe has foisted upon us the perfect illustration of literally every failing of capitalism and people are still like we can’t be communists cuz there won’t be enough types of soup
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 7, 2020
my realistic memes never go viral pic.twitter.com/6gKLdNDcwb
— Matt Ufford (@mattufford) April 7, 2020
resident evil: what if a fucked up guy walked toward you
— fine – parasite (@aglayalilich) April 6, 2020
i dont think biden’s dead but major misstep to hire osama bin laden’s video team imo
— k?nife dog (@hudsonhongo) April 8, 2020
have to applaud bernie’s strategy of getting out of the race early enough to make it difficult for every yoga-pants cabernet mom who tweets in AAV to blame him for the majority of white women voting for trump again
— man it’s a hot zone, (@Mobute) April 8, 2020
Sure, the only presidential candidate who gave a fuck if you lived or died just dropped out, but on the bright side now the playing field is truly equal—which rapist with dementia will YOU vote for?
— Megan Beth Koester (@bornferal) April 8, 2020
— Cat with Monocle (@catwithmonocle) April 8, 2020
Me: But how can we be certain we’ve fallen into a very strange alt-timeline where our normal expectations for how things are likely to unfold can no longer be relied upon?
— Ryan H. Walsh (@JahHills) April 8, 2020
The Biden – Trump debates.
TRUMP: You’re from Delaware. Everyone there is dead. They asked me to be President I said, yeah get rid of Delaware first. We call it the loser zone.
BIDEN: This guy doesn’t even know what it means to GO YARD. I like baseball! No. I love the damn game.
— Jeffrey of Manhattan (@fittedsweats) April 9, 2020
in 2028 some asshole is gonna dress up for Halloween in a mask and gloves and say their costume is “someone in 2020” and I hope we can all agree we will punch that person in the face.
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) April 9, 2020
due to the pandemic “following up” is currently suspended. if you try to “circle back” with me i will call the police
— california guy now (@InternetHippo) April 9, 2020
“Stand down,” as if this were the Cuban Missile Crisis instead of an absolutely batshit attempt to hold a fistfight in the midst of a global lockdown designed to minimize the death toll from a lethal pandemic https://t.co/ZUa14vKY8y
— Patrick Wyman (@Patrick_Wyman) April 10, 2020
This female reboot gives me all the life! pic.twitter.com/lIna1GQTwl
— Patti Harrison (@Party_Harderson) April 10, 2020
Some sports are slower. More about the strategy. pic.twitter.com/JMBaGJ1tSd
— Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 9, 2020
“We at Shinra would never harm the people of Midgar” pic.twitter.com/d2rQc5fDqe
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 10, 2020
Unfortunately the stuff I ordered online did not bring me happiness but I will be conducting the experiment three to four more times just to make sure
— Hannah Schauer (@schauer_me) April 9, 2020
— dan nolan (@dannolan) April 4, 2020