I don’t think we’re talking enough about the UFC’s attempts to keep running shows during the pandemic. They bought an island. They were going to hold fights on that island. They call it Fight Island. In an attempt to prove he’s the manliest man around, UFC head Dana White basically turned himself into a real-life supervillain. He was ready to do a real-life Enter the Dragon for all the world to watch—aired on a Disney-owned channel, no less—just to keep chipping away at the massive debt UFC’s owners took on to buy the company, and so he could crow on about how the UFC didn’t tap out to the highly infectious disease that’s ravaging the entire world. Dana White’s an idiot, is my point. And yes, there’s at least one tweet about that whole thing below.
So yes: this was a week. It had tweets. Here are the funniest of them. The first one is about Louis CK because of course the first one was going to be about Louis CK, who at the start of the week released his first stand-up special since being outed as a serial sex creep. Start with that and then make your way down the list at your own leisure. Look, you’re free to read this junk however you wish. I’m just gonna back out and let you get started on that, okay?
Louis CK releasing a special when no one can leave the room feels pretty on brand TBH
I just cannot get over the fact that the universe has foisted upon us the perfect illustration of literally every failing of capitalism and people are still like we can’t be communists cuz there won’t be enough types of soup
have to applaud bernie’s strategy of getting out of the race early enough to make it difficult for every yoga-pants cabernet mom who tweets in AAV to blame him for the majority of white women voting for trump again
Sure, the only presidential candidate who gave a fuck if you lived or died just dropped out, but on the bright side now the playing field is truly equal—which rapist with dementia will YOU vote for?
Me: But how can we be certain we’ve fallen into a very strange alt-timeline where our normal expectations for how things are likely to unfold can no longer be relied upon?
The Biden – Trump debates. TRUMP: You’re from Delaware. Everyone there is dead. They asked me to be President I said, yeah get rid of Delaware first. We call it the loser zone. BIDEN: This guy doesn’t even know what it means to GO YARD. I like baseball! No. I love the damn game.
— Jeffrey of Manhattan (@fittedsweats) April 9, 2020
in 2028 some asshole is gonna dress up for Halloween in a mask and gloves and say their costume is “someone in 2020” and I hope we can all agree we will punch that person in the face.
“Stand down,” as if this were the Cuban Missile Crisis instead of an absolutely batshit attempt to hold a fistfight in the midst of a global lockdown designed to minimize the death toll from a lethal pandemic https://t.co/ZUa14vKY8y
