Eternals Preserves the Legacy of Its Source Material by Being Mostly Forgettable

As the third entry in the pandemically hobbled, TV-enhanced Phase 4 of the MCU, Chloé Zhao’s Eternals is not a film that frustrates because it misses an obvious target, plunges down the wrong path or even mangles the source material. In fact, it doesn’t really frustrate at all. Instead, it just kinda … occupies time? Oh, plenty of things happen, but, weighed down by 11 or so narrative arcs of mostly “bland new” superheroes—creator Jack Kirby’s signature style and energy is mostly absent—while also dutifully doling out a millennia-spanning, massively predictable larger plot, Eternals never really feels that connected to the greater MCU. Instead, it feels like a well-shot but rather densely packed educational film on some other comic universe, one filled with off-brand heroes and the usual array of power sets.
Taking place over, oh, all of human history, Eternals features a group of mostly beautiful beings sent here long ago who, in a series of flashbacks, are shown to realize that humans are pretty cool sometimes. Occasionally, when two of them stand really near each other, there’s some stoic smoldering, without much chemistry. By the end, most of them are still around and yet another cataclysmic event has been avoided, and tourist destination created. (Between this film and Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2, I will say celestials love to impregnate Mother Earth.)
But when the tidal waves subside and the post-credit scenes have faded to black, there’s not much that will stick with the viewer. The result is a film that’s less frustrating than it is perplexing. Eternals is less a “How did they miss?!” and more a “Why aim there at all?” or even, “How could one hit that target in the first place?” It’s the first film in long time that doesn’t seem to serve any greater purpose for the MCU (other than hoped-for box office, I suppose). Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor: Ragnarok opened up the cosmic corners of the MCU; Ant-Man and the Wasp, the quantum realm; Doctor Strange and WandaVision, the magical. Add the multiverse of the recent Loki series, and the doors have been thrown open in a manner reflected in most of the titles of other (eventually) upcoming Phase 4 entries. Yet, with Eternals, what’s new? What’s exciting (besides Dane Whitman)?