It brings me great pleasure to announce that we have arrived once again at Monday morning. After a long weekend of lazing about, workers of the world may now recommence the world’s work. Finally the mighty train of Business begins its long journey to the distant station of Friday, carrying with it a precious cargo of goods and services. “Chug-chug, chug-chug,” goes the train. In lieu of payment, here are some tweets for your journey. God bless:
Baby Boomers: You young people should rebel against society like we did!
Millennials: Okay, I don’t fit into a rigid gender binary, I’m not strictly heterosexual or monogamous, and I think we need to dismantle capitalism and kyriarchy
Garfield is a cat and doesn’t have a job. The only ostensible difference between Monday and any other day is that Jon suddenly isn’t around after having been home all weekend. Garfield doesn’t hate Mondays, he loves Jon and is too proud to say it.
WRITER: Here is my essay “The Masses Must Listen to my Wisdom, They Are Stupid” MASSES: Fuck you WRITER: Society is breaking down. That will be the subject of my next essay
the IRA’s warning to thatcher after they narrowly failed to kill her in the brighton bombing has somehow leaked into inspirational american facebook as a thatcher quote pic.twitter.com/VOEZvLqJWf
I just want everyone to know somebody told me Jamie Foxxwas in the movie Call Me By Your Name and I watched the whole movie waiting for him show up and wondering how they were gonna make Jamie Foxx fit into the plot.
“Horses are just really big dogs” “You fucking idiot” “Wow, interesting how you choose to attack me instead of engaging my argument in the marketplace of ideas”
i can’t relate to anyone who thinks political disagreements shouldn’t ruin friendships. we could get nuked at any point i’m not making time for catch-up brunches with My High School Algebra Classmate Who Thinks Welfare Is For Lazy People
The key to surviving on this website is to cultivate a persona so cloaked in layers of irony that few of your peers can tell what you mean most of the time, if they’re even paying you any attention at all, which they aren’t.
