The Funniest Tweets of the Week
Photo by John-Michael Bond
This week we’ve brought you a truly wonderful collection of jokes, goofs, gags, and groans. In just a few moments you’ll be teleported to a world of laughter the likes of which you haven’t experienced since last the last time we did the funniest Tweets of the week. But before you get readings, we’re going to use this moment we have your attention to ask that you consider donating to help save the Amazon rainforest.
For the last few weeks the Amazon rainforest has been on fire, burning down at a record rate. A large number of these fires have been set by industrialists looking to clear land to raise cattle. It poses an existential threat to the survival of mankind given that 20% of the world’s oxygen comes from the rainforest. Accordingly, if you have a few bucks to spare, we suggest donating to the RAN or The Rainforest Trust. Each organization uses the money they take in to buy land in the rainforest for conservation. Sure, it may feel like a drop in the metaphorical bucket, but when the world is literally burning every drop counts. Now that you’re guilted into donating, lets get to guffawing.
Someone today asked me if I wanted to read Smash Mouth’s “All Star” translated into Aramaic and then back to English. The answer to that question is always yes. pic.twitter.com/wlZowIumvI
— The Slightly Irreverent Jennifer Maglio (@MaglioJen) August 22, 2019
I’m addicted to my gun pic.twitter.com/AKmoMSG3CE
— Devan Costa (@DevanCosta) August 22, 2019
“I just want to capitalize on the fame I earned by defending a monstrous administration while facing no negative consequences. Why get all political about it?” https://t.co/hj9Bs6EN34
— Jon Lovett (@jonlovett) August 22, 2019
when someone makes fun of generations older than me? hilarious, very funny delightful stuff, keep it coming baby
when someone younger makes fun of mY generation? incorrect, many misconceptions, misunderstanding of the conditions we were raised in, disgusting cowardice,
— matt lubchansky (@Lubchansky) August 22, 2019
Shooters shoot: NYT comments edition pic.twitter.com/vKqAY3QBRF
— Steadman™ (@AsteadWesley) August 22, 2019
the two year old I nanny just said “ahh loud raisins” as a response to me grinding the coffee beans soooo she’s already better at improv/comedy than literally half this town
— Tara McGorry (@terrormcgorry) August 22, 2019
Me: dear god. Please destroy ICE and Amazon
God: yo I gotchu
God: melts ice caps and starts burning the rainforest
Me: wait no
— Baked Amanda (@theconradical) August 22, 2019
I wanna hear one person say that their motivation to lose weight was how bad their farts were. Just a guy crying like “it was ripping my family apart.”
— Laura Peek (@LauraKPeek) August 21, 2019
Every girl who peaked in high school fucking loves posting a picture on Instagram of their khaki wearing boyfriend (who also looks like their dad) holding a baby (likely a niece/nephew) with the caption “my heart is so full”.
— Katie Vallely (@KatieVallely00) August 21, 2019
if u ever sat in ur room and cried to samson by regina spektor u DO qualify for a veterans discount
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) August 20, 2019
Folks, Denmark — more and more you’re hearing it’s a rotten place. They had a prince named Hamlet, very indecisive guy. His uncle killed his dad, the King, but he couldn’t make up his mind and it was a big mess. So we’re looking at Horatio very strongly, we’re looking at Laertes
— Martin (@Bregosaurus) August 21, 2019