This week people tweeted about the last episodes of ESPN’s Michael Jordan documentary. This week people tweeted about Twitter’s new “no reply” feature. This week people tweeted about how HBO Max is going to #ReleaseTheSnyderCut of the Justice League movie. This week people tweeted about Animal Crossing, what games they liked as a kid, and about the coronavirus and the quarantine and how incredibly weird everything still is. And yes, of course, this week people tweeted about Donald Trump and his reactions to the coronavirus and his narcissism and his divisiveness and the unceasing torrents of bullshit that flow out of his mouth and Twitter feed. It was a typical week on Twitter.
A very small number of those tweets were funny. These are the best of them.
Mark Mothersbaugh’s chubby pug passed out on his keyboard during an interview and honestly he’s a huge personal inspiration to me. pic.twitter.com/Yr9y3C8gsp
Exciting news: I have been hired by the Vatican bank and Toyota to write and direct a catholic reboot of Highlander franchise for the catholic streaming service CBS all access that will serve as the third testament of the Bible. pic.twitter.com/UaJyaQ2pLF
picking up girls at the club with the fellas. we adopt the formation of hannibal at cannae, our weak incels at the centre, the seasoned simps on the flanks. as the incels retreat our simps stand firm. our softboys close the gap, completing the encirclement. the women are furious
if I had to pick one aspect of Animal Crossing life and lore to bring to our reality, one solitary, nude man producing all of the music in the world would be high on my list
— M.U.G.E.N Thee Stallion (@alex_navarro) May 20, 2020
the last few months have just been an endless cycle of ordering bananas, being too sad or distracted to eat the bananas in time, watching the bananas go bad, making depression banana bread, eating that too fast, then ordering more bananas
It will be quite a moment when the next President unveils the official portrait of Donald Trump: a deepfake of his head superimposed on The Mountain from ‘Game of Thrones,’ about to crush the CNN logo on Oberyn Martell’s body
Twitter should have an option to make tweets that only your friends can see, like on LiveJournal. And there should be no character limit, like on LiveJournal. And there should be a separate field where you can add which Rilo Kiley song you’re currently listening to.
OMG LOL, my 4-year-old just put down her Legos and said, “99% of Trump voters are worse off in every way now, but still support him, taking solace in the hollow victory of communal racism as they are willingly robbed blind and stripped of their constitutional rights.”
I hope this email finds you living in a shotgun shack I hope this email finds you in another part of the world I hope this email finds you behind the wheel of a large automobile I hope this email finds you in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
